This may or may not be relevant. Some days Im fine for a time , but eventually, in time I always go back to craving death. There may be nothing wrong around me but I will once again fall into the depths of severe depression. I have tried to die three times. Three times I was brought back.
For me, being ready to die is like standing over a dark abyss. Once you are on the edge, it’s extremely hard to step off of it. It beacons me. It says come to me and I will take all of your pain away. You cant imagine how tempting this is.
This may go on for weeks. …. And one day I’ll wake up and be just fine, like nothing happened.
Im just starting to get help. Its looking very much like I have something called bipolar 2, Which Im told is severe depression, but without the manic high’s. I didn’t know there was such a thing. I hope one day I will know what it’s like to be happy. But for now , I struggle with this great sadness. But for the 1st time I have a new perspective that perhaps it is an imbalance. Maybe I can survive through understanding, and the right medication. 💊 I don’t know.
Im in between normal, and suicidal…. For a while. So I will try to fix this… until I don’t want to. Till the cravings come back.
Maybe this is her too…. Or maybe not, but I hope its helpful.