Dianajane, I don't feel that my life was backward at all. I learned so much about my marriage from the stories my late husband's grandmother told me about her culture, and then figured out how to move forward with some success in maintaining some sanity in our modern attempt at farm life and business. Looking back, I think my husband was told that he would become rich farming, and he soon realized that wasn't true, so he pushed everyone involved harder until he made us sick trying. Actually he sort of drove himself nuts but he never really broke my self esteem or caused me to feel suicidal. He kept the same bad habits while I developed plans to succeed and get things accomplished while trying to understand his need for total control. But yes, I think his poor education and cultural influence from his grandmother who raised him slowly drove him nuts as he made wild decisions to boost up his sense of power and success.
He became a Narcissist and then declined into some type of psychopath in the end, and he told lies every day to impress himself and everyone else. He was mentally ill, but could speak in a way that sounded somewhat normal, if you didn't know the facts involved.
I had to avoid him, and that became easy as he wanted me gone from his life. Cancer did the job for him. I have studied for years and even spent ten years in college with my adult children to understand and restore myself. I am doing fine and feel a mission to help others
navigate the world of mental decline. I do not possess the proper credentials to direct change, but I sure can understand the problem!
I have been blessed with financial security in my late years, so I want to be a solution kind of person when possible. Some health problems can't be fixed, I realize, but I can offer helpful ideas to pursue. Each person is a different challenge. Dorisena