I need to clarify my background as I was not a caregiver for my husband before he died. He didn't allow that, but was in denial of his mental condition for years, and never was actually diagnosed, however we came close at one point. I studied on an Alzheimer's caregivers website to learn more about caring for a relative, who later died in a facility. Then I studied on a brain tumor caregiver's website when my husband was diagnosed and had surgery for a benign brain tumor. I studied with the help of the Alzheimer's group when my mother had a bleeding stroke and couldn't speak and was bedfast in a facility for over six years. All this time I was attempting to figure our my husband's inconsistent mental condition, and discussed it with my doctor. He said it was the beginning of Alzheimers, and I insisted the problem was frontal lobal because of the loss of his executive skills. He was in charge of the family business at the time and kept us in a bad financial condition because he really didn't manage and wouldn't cooperate with anyone. So I had to learn to manage through many a crisis and keep the household stable while he was making my life miserable and telling lies to make me mad enough to leave him. I didn't budge.
He was treated for prostate cancer, then a brain tumor, and then metasticized cancer of the spine. That took his life in short order, all the while he was estranged from me and not living in reality. He had an eating disorder and did not treat his diabetes, or his alcoholism. I am experienced enough to share ideas on surviving a mind going bad, for whatever reason. My advice is you can control things to a point, but you will not win against these terrible deseases, some of which are made worse by a person who refuses to cooperate in normal care for good health. Do not expect to be able to do a good job of care giving, just do what you can manage at the time and pray to God about the rest. Get some support for yourself and arrange time off for you. Do not feel that you absolutely must care for a person in your home whom you think might harm you. if you don't help yourself, you will not be able to help others. That is my motto for just about everything these days. Dorisena

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