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To move near family or stay put
Aging Well | Last Active: Sep 30 8:46am | Replies (77)Comment receiving replies
I had a wake-up call when my younger sister died two months ago at age 70. I was on a trip home for the first time in 7 years. Gone so long due to covid and 4 major joint replacement surgeries. I realized on returning home just how very isolated I have been. Having been isolated for that period of time, my social life has greatly diminished. I miss my family. I do not have children and live by myself in a senior building. I still drive and with new knees and hips can get along pretty good. So my question to myself is do I stay in my present home where I've lived for almost 37 years or return home where I still have family and a couple of really good friends. I know from moving back in the past (2006-2010) that true enough not all of my siblings took time to visit with me, but I want to spend what time I can with those who do make the time. Mostly my older brother and sister-in-law and youngest sister. I turn 75 next month so I need to figure out where I want to be at 80, then 85, then 90.
Replies to "I had a wake-up call when my younger sister died two months ago at age 70...."
As hard as it may be, I think you should move soon, not later, toward where you have family and friends who do care. You will surely benefit from them in close proximity in the very near future. Try to get rid of things you haven't used in a year, so moving will be easier on you. I wish you peace and joy in life ahead.
I’m in a similar situation. Basically, I think you need to go with your gut feeling. Doing that has always served me well.
I've done both. There is a time for someone to lived isolated from family. When family members do not respect our privacy and needs. When their behavior is more what an enemy does, separating us from long cherished friends, things like that.
And then, when we are confident of being able to deal with them without losing it and cherish loved ones and/or those old friends. To be able to see those we love, in person. To be there for them, when they need on the ground help. It's not just for us to move close to them.
In the end, what do I (we) want our last days to be like. My mother, when she died, knew for 4-5 months she was terminal, with liver cancer that had metastasized from a primary source. Now, even though liver cancer is notorious for bad pain, her's just disappeared her last weeks. She was able to stay at home. There was enough time for all her children and siblings, church people, and beloved friends to get to visit her, one or two at a time. Then, she took a nap one day, and never woke up. That's was it.
I honestly can't think of a better way to go. Yet, if you have no children, those siblings of yours and old friends must be all the more precious. It's not all what is best for you, what is best for them, too. I think I would move back, in fact, after 15 years isolated except for one child, I did. Six years later, the blessings are still unfolding to me (and to my child who is now an adult).
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I wonder if it might be possible to do a other trial run in the town with family and friends and not give up your current home
Perhaps it will offer some clarity. Best of luck with your decision.