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Introductions: Are you caring for someone with dementia?
Caregivers: Dementia | Last Active: Aug 16 2:33pm | Replies (762)Comment receiving replies
Scott, I am so grateful for the time you take in your thoughtful responses to me. You have endured/are enduring much. Your words and your walk are a beautiful testament to waiting/watching and taking things one day at a time. It is difficult for me to let go and trust, though I know it is all I can do. I am a planner and organizer - I want to know if this will turn into what I am concerned it may be so that I can "plan" and take action. I suppose, too, part of that is being concerned our older children will think me overexaggrating and off my rocker! I don't want to cause Tom undue stress either. There is much unsettled in my mind and I don't even have my thoughts all in order or clear for that matter.
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Hi @joey333 I hear you here! I don't believe I ever had a day where my thoughts or things were in order from that first day my wife's neurosurgeon looked at me and said "so...you're her caregiver here?" Scared the hoohaa out of me for sure and I don't think I ever did respond to him from the fog I entered. Caregiving is a time when for the first time in my life I came to accept 'good enough' rather than seeking the perfection I always strived for, especially in my professional life.
If you haven't seen it you might find this piece I wrote of interest:
https://socialmedia.mayoclinic.org/2018/06/01/the-choice-and-challenge-of-being-good-enough-a-caregiving-story-experts-by-experience/
I tried to point out how I came to embrace 'good enough' for almost a decade and a half. Plus now that my stroke took the sight and hearing from my right side I have to embrace it again. Especially when it comes to certain things requiring more depth perception than I can muster such as cleaing mirrors (weird, eh?), nighttime driving, and threading a bleeping needle.
While it may sound defeatest, as a caregiver my plan was always to plan for a worst case scenario and then be pleased if it was something less. I also came to understand that caregivers are often not fully understood by even those closest to us. As a result I always just said to myself 'the care of my wife comes first', and while a few understood, there were times many did not, which sometimes even included our adult children (38 and 41).
The second half of my work career I spent as a major gift fundraiser for an international child/family development nonprofit. I grew thick skin at being told 'no' so many times, but that hardly prepared me for many of the comments I received as a caregiver. Seems it is one of those jobs loads of folks who aren't caregivers seem to believe they know all about and feel free to give their two bits! I was often accused of 'seeking attention' when I would simply respond honestly to the question "how you doing?". Again, I began to prepare for the negative comments and was pleased if I didn't get one 🙂
Personally I believe caregiving is a form of love. At times it is grinding, consuming, and doubt-filling, but never doubting one's love.. It can morph into something undoable for any human, but not undo the love. It can deplete one's physical and emotional energy, but never drive one's love to empty. It is a journey unlike others.
Sorry I carried on a bit too much!
Strength, courage, and peace!