@terrinan - OMG! (And, to the "perpetrator": Grrrrrrrrr! 😫)...

I'm afraid you've said it - in a nutshell.

For me, it MAKES me lean in, in an effort to hear, and since I so highly value "connecting", I can't help but have that natural reaction. And then right after, when this is the situation where I'm feeling 'manipulated' by the other person who's only making the slightest effort, I get mad at myself. But what's the solution?

I've mentioned it, I've brought it up time & time again, and just recently, out came my words: "You're killing me". It kills my spirit to be doing what I feel is 'all the work' to be available, to hear/listen, make efforts, while the other party (my "partner" - apologies to the universe for my quotes!!) just sits there with no response or a blank look, or worse, indifference....that's how it makes me feel: like I'm alone, the only person making an effort, doing what I feel is/should be natural behavior between two people who are in a relationship and say they care about each other (i.e., "trying").

Hope I haven't gone too far off from center for this string. But maybe it resonates for others in similar situations.

Thank you for responding and sharing your experience. I really DON'T KNOW what the answer is. Have brought it up in Zoom therapy, but at some point I suppose we have to do couples therapy (he won't probably get into it, though I could be wrong). Just trying to sort out my own bucketload of stuff before trying to help him & us & take on even more than I feel I can handle right now.

Onward to the day! Best wishes...chime in any time, of course!