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Will I ever not hate myself?

Depression & Anxiety | Last Active: Sep 19 10:25am | Replies (26)

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@shelleyw

thisismarylinb,
👍‼️🥇🥇🥇‼️ You deserve to be 👑 crowned as a queen and hero. You DID IT GIRL 🥰 Did your children bless you with grandchildren? I have always liked the saying, " if I had known how wonderful grandchildren are, I would have just skipped the children part ". I hope your children have shown you all the love that you have shown them.
🤪 Since you are just an old lady, living alone, you should just go ahead and keep the negative feelings on the top of your list of priorities to think about. 😱😡😭ABSOLUTELY SO VERY NOT TRUE ‼️‼️‼️ You deserve to be, do, go, enjoy all that brings YOU 🥰🥰🥰 all great joy and happiness and peace. If you're privileged enough to have enough money, to spend your children's inheritance, then go for it. I listened to a meditation on how to help others feel better. It suggested that "sending virtual vibes " can actually be felt by the recipient, if they focus on feeling them. I live out of a small town, so not much light pollution... tonight, as soon as it is dark, I hereby promise, that I will go outside and find the brightest 🌟🌟and I will be thinking of you and all that you have achieved and accomplished in your life journey, I will try to keep a big smile on my face, for you...but I just had dental surgery, so the outside smile might be smaller, but the inside smile will be bigger 😃🥰😃🥰and I will think hard about you, all the super wishes for you. You may think I am joking, but I am not, I will be outside looking up, all for YOU ‼️
I know we are all supposed to practice what we preach, I'm not so good at it, but right now it's not about me, it's ALL ABOUT YOU and how fantastically you survived with your wit and your strength. I 🙇‍♀️ bow to you and your strength.
Remember, 🌟🌟ShelleyW

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Replies to "thisismarylinb, 👍‼️🥇🥇🥇‼️ You deserve to be 👑 crowned as a queen and hero. You DID IT..."

Thank you so much for your wonderful reply. It is almost 10:00 P.M. so I am going around the house closing everything up and making sure nothing is left unlocked. Then I will tuck myself into bed with a book.
In answer to your question, yes, I have grandchildren, but I am not close to them. My youngest son has basically kicked me out of the family. His wife thinks I am judgmental and does not want me to visit them anymore. I guess he does not have the spine to tell her anything, but he was willing to tell me. I had to wait to bury my husband because of Covid. So it was over a year after his death before I could make arrangements. They all came for the funeral but they treated me coldly. My granddaughter would not even come over to me to say she was sorry about her Grandad's death. I was not allowed to attend her wedding. I was told I was not welcome. Maybe she is mad about that. I don't know and I don't know if she was ever told the trust about why I didn't attend. So I have arranged to have him removed as my trustee. I did my research and found a fiduciary trustee. I made an appointment to interview her and was pleased. I also had my attorney (former boss for whom I worked for 23 years) made an amendment to the trust that everything over which I had control went to my older son and his wife. It they want to play hardball I figured I would get some shots in myself. So basically I am really alone. I skype with older son every week. He lives in Asia which is why he is not the alternate trustee. His wife treats me with respect and calls me Mom. I am not good with people. I do have one or two friends, but that's it. I had more, but I have outlived them. I read a report from Cleveland Clinic that if people reach their 90's, they don't live too much longer. That is because their cells stop splitting. When that happens you die. But that's okay. I really do not want to be here without my husband.