This is a great thread and one so many caregivers struggle with from time to time with almost any chronic disease, but especially with those who are on the journey though dementia.

One thing I always kept uppermost in my mind when working with my MIL and wife was the fact once an individual's brain is 'broken' by disease, the usual, logical steps one used to use in their relationship have very often changed due to the damage the disease wrecks. With dementia, logic cannot always be followed by the patient, nor is it successful with altering patterns now different due to physical changes in the brain and how the neuronal messages are being relayed. In my wife's situation I would often experience daily changes in this due to her disease.

I also came to learn, especially with my MIL, confrontation, anxiety, and often simple changes in environment caused significant downward falling off in her mental capacities. We all need to remember dementia is actually, physically altering the brain and therefore what may work in other instances and with other diseases may not work well at all, or be counterproductive with dementia patients. It is often not that they do not want to adjust, but simply that they cannot due to the progressions of the disease.

I frequently would remind myself in my case while married to one physical woman for 41 years, I was married to two. One woman pre-brain injury and a different one post-diagnosis. Same person, but two different people. This helped me manage the changes I would have to manage with her.

I send continued strength, courage, and peace

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