Hi @alanm, Welcome to the Caregivers group. I moved your message to the main discussion to introduce you to other members caring for a partner, parent or loved one with Alzheimer's. In fact, Bob (@12131209) joined the group only yesterday with a very similar circumstance to your own. He is caring for his wife (79) and is asking about care at home, the costs and what to expect. Click VIEW & REPLY in the email notification and you'll be able to scroll through the previous messages and read about other members like @suzie2017 @mojo1965 @rmftucker @kmkm @macbeth and more.

Have you been taking care of all her needs on your own up to now, Alan?

Hi @alanm I am sorry to hear of your wife's medical journey. I am Scott and I was my wife's primary caregiver for 14 years. Although she had brain cancer, many of her symptoms were dementia-like and we, too, struggled with getting good help for her and to help me. You are right in saying caregiving can be all consuming.

I know each situation and location is unique in this regard, but in our case we tried a wide range of sources for help (advertising in the local newspaper, online, non-profits, for-profits, etc.) and finally discovered the best avenue for us was talking with the staff at our local hospice organization. They had the names of a few local folks who were either between assignments or were looking for extra hours of work. These folks far outstripped any of the other dozens we used from time to time. For us they were the best we found over the years.

Strength, courage, and peace!
Scott

Alan - yes, no outside help in care of wife. Not a problem now, but I do about everything except no personal care which she is able to handle. Of course, like many others, take her every where we go. Her balance has gotten worse, is much slower in walking and other things, less appetite and getting frail. Doesn't talk as much as before as she claims to forget the subject she was going to make. Usually in good spirits and understands what is happening to her and what we are facing in the future. The best to you in your challenges in care.

Indiana - your comments are appreciated. Good info and I had not thought of contacting hospice for potential names to assist. Will do it. The best of health to you and yours, Bob

Your situation sounds very much like mine. I wish she would talk less. Has always talked incessantly but now I can't hear most of what she says and don't understand what I do hear. Talk to you later.

Hi @alanm. My dad was my Mom's primary caregiver till he passed (age 91) a year ago in October. She has had Vascular dementia for 14 years. First let me say thank you. You will never hear it enough. I am sure if your wife from 15 years ago would be so grateful. It is a duty, an honor, a burden, and outpouring of your love. Being her caregiver is all that and more. I am sure on reading that your thinking "of course I would care for her and it is not necessary to say thanks I'm her husband". True, but it is because she can't say. Things definitely get to the point where 1) you need some time away 2) it is safer, faster, and more efficient to not always take her with you, 3) she may be more comfortable at home. We found these things to be true in regards to my Mom. I have for the last 14 years spent most every Friday, saturday, and Sunday, several hours each day caring for her. Three years before my Dad passed away my older brother moved in with them in part to help. Once my dad died he was the one needing held during the week. I could not quite my job. I was already working long hours so I could take Fridays off to help. We had a other sibling who was helping 2 days a week, but she was not consistent, complained etc. So I set out on a search to find someone. There are a lot of business such as comfort keepers, Aging Better, and many others that have a CNA who will come in and be with your wife. The cost varies from about $15 to $30 depending on your area. If she needs skilled nursing it will be much more. I was lucky that I eventually found a private CNA. In my opinion that is a great way to go you pay less, and they actually take home more because there is no middle person. We lost her after 9 month. I currently have 2 different people coming but they are not CNA's. My mom doesn't need specialized care. She needs some to basically be with her. To help her bath, dress, eat and reminder her where the bathroom is when she needs it. A good place to start is go to your local Area on Aging. They should have a list of home health care providers. They may also have posting from people looking for part time in home health care. Also talk to your wife's doctor(s) and nurses. They may have some knowledge of people looking for these types of jobs. If there are senior centers check their bulletin boards. Interview a few agencies. Ask how much they charge and what they provide. I encourage you to get some one even if it is for a few hours a week. You need someone as a back up. What would you do if you get sick? You get the flu, you'll be at home but you need someone else caring for your wife so you don't pass it along......If you have friends ask them if they know anyone. Best of luck.

Thanks, I,m sort of spinning my wheels right now. Thanks for your encouragement.

The amount of pain dementia has caused families like yours is hard to put in words.  You can actually do something to help clarify whether the biofeedback finger warming exercises have any value,  Ask around among your friends and relatives,  if they ever heard of anyone who used the biofeedback method to stop migraines.
If you can locate one, ask them if they have ever contracted dementia in their later years.  If they did NOT ,   I need to know it,   because it will add to the evidence we need to pressure the big foundations and research clinics to do bigger studies.  If we can prove that there is something worthwhile here, we can help relieve some of the pain you have suffered. You can private message me.

Hi @weiskirch9219 please note that I removed your personal email address from your message above. We recommend not posting personal contact information on a public forum like Connect. We don't want you to get unwanted spam. A safer way to share personal contact information is to use the private message.
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