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Chemo for pT1a? Also two independent (primary) cancers
Lung Cancer | Last Active: Aug 26 11:36am | Replies (16)Comment receiving replies
I still haven't mentally recovered from this all. Cancer is always in the back of my head and I can't plan anything long term. Come next winter I want to go snowboarding but even that feels so far away. Even when rationally thinking the lung nodule was pretty slowly growing (from 2mm to 6mm in 21 months). These days highlight of my day is the hike with my dog or running. Maybe its because its some sort of measure that at least I am still in good physical condition.
My wife is abroad at the moment but we will soon be together again. I wish I had heard about this nodule 3 months earlier so I could've dealt with it before the honeymoon. Now it was cut short. I want to have another, proper honeymoon without death looming over it.
Everyone who I talk to (doctors, my brother, parents..) are saying that we all die some day. It is annoying. Most people don't die when they're 30 or 40. Some do, and for most of those who do, death comes unannounced, by surprise. Certainly nobody my age is thinking of dying. My most preferred death is the kind which I don't see coming. I want to die standing, not lying in bed hooked to tubes and being in pain for weeks or months surrounded by more people who are also dying.
I am terrified of next scan. And while all doctors say not to worry about the CEA, I still do. Not as much as I used to but I still do. It is an indication of something, if not cancer, and I'd like to know what. Theres so many things I didn't ask from my doctor in the phonecall because I forgot.
Might have PTSD from this all but I must go through the scans because I would regret not doing so.
Me and my wife haven't really had the time to do things together. She said that my nodule was so small and that I'm overreacting. But at the same time she understands that I'm in this panic mode and can't enjoy things. Its lonely at home without her, I can't sleep alone anymore. I had to move to my parents house just to get proper sleep.
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@janar , This is understandably the hardest time in your life. All of the feelings that you are experiencing are valid, and ones that many of us have felt too. It's hard to imagine who would not have some form of PTSD after facing even one cancer diagnosis.
I was diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer at the age of 49. I was very sick, and was feeling like I wouldn't make it 3 months to my 50th birthday. My doctors identified the mutation that was causing my cancer, and I take a targeted therapy. I'm 54 now, and I know that my cancer will develop resistance to the medications and it will return someday. For me, the anxiety related to scans and dying has lessened over time. Knowing that there is a plan for when I have progression has helped me. Others, family and friends, try to be supportive, but it's difficult for them. They don't want to feed your fears, and they are trying to make you feel better. They really just don't know what to say.
Time has helped me. Just this year I started planning trips that are more in the future. You can too, just try to get trip insurance if that is offered where you are located. I try to focus on today, and not 10 years from now. Try to take care of yourself. I'm glad to hear that your wife will be back soon, and that your parents are close by.
Have you been able to be open with your oncologist or one of the oncology nurses? There may be someone on the team that can help to manage the psychological side of the diagnosis. It's a heavy weight to carry.