Hello. I am taking care of my 84 year old mom with alzheimers. My father passed in 2010, and before he died, i promised that i would take care of mom. The day he died, i never left. I have 2 brothers, the oldest was 61 when he passed last august suddenly due to septic shock and pneumonia, and i was taking care of him also. He never said he was sick, just he didnt feel good and blamed the COPD and allergies. He had become house bound with severe COPD and had cancer surgery and in remission in 2011. I was with him the monent he passed holding his hand and telling him it was ok to go be with dad and his son, that passed in 2007 with leukemia. My other brother that is 60, we hardly ever see unless I call and ask for help with mom, which i very seldom do because i figure he should want to see his mother and sister. I try to understand he has a family also, and just became a first time grandfather, but I also have 3 grandchildren and am 53, and we lost the 3 year old in 2015. I very seldom get to see the kids due to moms condition, she is barely able to walk most days, and the anger anxiety issues are becomming worse. In 2016 she was diagnosed with breast cancer in both, so there are more issues to try to deal with. I thank god for my fiancee, because this would not be easy alone. We are taking shifts staying up all night to watch mom and help her to the bathroom every 1 1/2 to 2 hours due to her falling and hitting her head and ending up in ER. And that is another complaint. They wanted to get a CT and xray, but with the anxiety issues, they drugged her up on ativan, haldol, and bennydryl. Then after saying they may keep her for observation released her. It took 3 of us to get her in the vehicle, she was so drugged she couldnt stand, walk or speak. Then before i got home with her they called to say they didnt know if they took the iv out before release. I was so angry with the hospital, that i will never take her to that one again. The issues with the alzheimers are beginning to grow since the hospital visit. The doctor has her on alprazolam as needed but 1/2 of a 25mg at bedtime to help her sleep. There are times she will get up in the middle of the night so angry pounding her fists and hitting things that i worry she may hurt herself. When this happens i will give her the whole tablet, and sometimes it works in an hour and sometimes it just escalates for the use of another 1/2 dose a while later.The next night after being released from er she ventured outside in 15 degree weather with just pj's on and fell on the cement. I never heard the doors open and the dog never barked. She even shut both doors. That is why now we stay up all night keeping track of her. How do you get beyond you mother saying this isnt her house, she has no kids, she doesnt have a daughter, I'm just waiting for her to die, telling us she wished she was dead, or wants to shoot herself. It breaks my heart, and i try to redirect the conversation and sometimes it works, and sometimes not. How do you get them out of the loop they get stuck in back in the past. She talks of waiting for her mom and dad to come het her, but they both have been gone for decades and were divorced when she was around 6 years old. How do you get your brother to help out without sounding like a royal pain in the ass. What help can medicare and bluecross do for mom, or even myself for that fact. I had to quit working 6 months after dad died to take care of mom. ALL advice and opinions are welcomed. Just needing a little help and support as this keeps going.