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Introductions: Are you caring for someone with dementia?

Caregivers: Dementia | Last Active: Aug 16 2:33pm | Replies (762)
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@kmkm

Hi. I'm still not sure this is the correct way to start a new post or a new discussion question (thread) in the "Caring for someone with dementia or Alzheimers"group....But, I'll give it a try 🙂

I'd like to ask for some suggestions or advice on how to best keep my mom "busy" or give her something to do during the day. She never had any hobbies except reading or being with friends. Both are things that she doesn't do or cannot do anymore. I need to care for all the daily chores and business of running a household while caring for my mom. I'm grateful that she's still physically strong and in good health, but her Alz. has limited her ability and interest in doing almost anything except watch T.V. or an occasional chore (which usually becomes frustrating and causes anxiety because she can't remember how to do it or where things are. The result is that she's often bored. We're also limited by the fact that we don't have use of our family car on most days so mom and I are home alone together. If you read my earlier posts you can see more details about our situation. Any suggestions? Thank you!

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Replies to "Hi. I'm still not sure this is the correct way to start a new post or..."
Scott, Volunteer Mentor | @IndianaScott | Nov 28, 2016

Hello @kmkm. Nice to e-meet you here. I am Scott and I was a secondary caregiver for my MIL while she had frontal temporal dementia for 23 years and the primary caregiver for my wife during her 14 year war against brain cancer, during which she suffered from many dementia-similar symptoms.

I AM NOT A MEDICA PROFESSIONAL IN ANY MANNER, so I speak only from my limited experiences. In both my MIL and wife's cases they craved routine and familiarity. While it can border on boring at first, it became much more soothing and comforting to them than not knowing what they had to 'worry' about anticipating as being next. I realize it can feel stifling to the caregiver, but in our case it was an important coping feature for the patients.

Also as something went from enjoyable to frustrating, such as a game or chore, I was quick to eliminate it from the schedule. My MIL loved puzzling. We had to move from huge jigsaws to preschool simple, then to none but it helped with keeping doing something for as long as possible and lessening the anxiety and aggravation. .

I would also suggest, as tough as it may be, if you have not had all the necessary 'talks' about any issues outstanding, last wishes, etc. be sure to do that ASAP. We did those with my wife and it made things immeasurably easier on the family. In my MIL's case, the family was too deeply in denial and lost that chance. It made several things more difficult for them down the line plus some family members were left carrying issues with them beyond the grave, which is sad to witness now.

I wish you strength and courage!

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