Good morning @macbeth. You bring up an important issue. How to vet any potential help. In the early days of my wife's caregiving needs, I was still able to work and so we needed a paid care person in our home during those times.

I am sure each area and community is different, but here is what we went through and some of the things I learned.

I give this information only to educate and perhaps forewarn. I am sure there are far more great stories of folks getting great help than what we experienced.

I used a local agency. Our Agency on Aging had a list they shared with me. My wife's caregiving needs were high demand, so it was challenging to find someone. She needed companion care, not skilled nursing care. Many agencies I called would absolutely not provide transfers during the day, or did not want a patient who was 'active' in her daily routine. My mother-in-law had far less problem getting care folks as she was bedridden and unable to communicate, etc. and there were many more folks willing to help a person in her condition than there were who were willing to help my wife in hers.

I went though local, for-profit agencies in the hopes that it would provide 'back-up' if a caregiver got sick, called off, etc. I hated the fact I had to pay $25.00 an hour and the person actually doing the work only got about $7.50 of that, but it is the business model they use. All these agencies were franchises and the quality varied greatly! I suggest you review the agency owner as well as the caregivers they send! They promised big, but delivered far less. I also learned, in the case of the seven agencies we went through, they really didn't investigate/review/train their potential workers.

Be careful! We had many, and I mean MANY, terrible experiences both with agencies over-selling their abilities and we had even more 'iffy' caregivers. Some of these people abused my wife emotionally, threatened her, stole from us, extorting my wife, and one resorted to robbing and ransacking our home the day after I fired her for abuse. Some would just not show up, some would come for a day or two and disappear. They sent one who was struggling with mental illness, which they knew but didn't tell us. She stole and took some of my wife's medications and had a mental crisis while caring for my wife. My wife had to call 911 to get the cops to come (she was telling my wife her family were all dead and dismembered in our garage), but when the cops arrived they called me too since they said 'we can't tell who the crazy one is here and who the patient is."

Given those kinds of experiences, I was too scared to use Craig's List, etc. for people but I have been told some folks do and have great results.

I advertised in our local paper (using a PO Box for replies) and only got two responses over three months of advertising. Neither ended up even showing up for their interview.

Our church did not provide any resources for caregiving due to potential liability.

I finally was successful in getting one good care person through a personal recommendation from a nurse at our hospital, who was absolutely wonderful. She was with us the last nine months of my wife's life and was very, very good. I paid her less than what I had been paying the agencies per hour, ($18 vs. $25) but she got it all and was comfortable with that.

As I said this were only our experiences.

So vet any potential agency, then do it again, and again -- then vet the worker they send too, just to be sure you know what you are getting.

Peace and strength.

@macbeth
When and who to get home help from is a GIANT question! I started with a middle schooler who was a neighbor friend. She would stop by the house on her way to school and make sure Mom took her pills and ate the breakfast I left out for her, at that time that is all we needed. When it became nessaccary for more help I decided to go with an agency. There are pro and con to both private and agency care givers. An agency will vet their employees, background checks and such, they match your needs with the care givers skills, when there is a need for a sub the agency will provide one. The agency is also insured, so if anything happens in your house that is covered. In my community we have 2 national agencies that provide care givers, NOT medical care, that is a different deal altogether. Both charge the same amount, we pay $18.50 an hour, and yes the care givers don’t get much of that. You might so on line to search for an agency then check if they are in your area, AARP web page might direct you with that. The agency I went with was able to provide a care giver right away, we did not have to wait "until they found someone". Checking with your local council on ageing is a great idea as well. Starting WELL before you need the service is a great idea! I hope I don’t have to place Mom in a facility, but I think I need to start looking at them now, if only to educate myself.
@indiana Scott is correct there are many potential problems to overcome. My experience has been positive with the agency care givers overall. I did have one that decided after her first visit that Mom was too much for her. The first care giver we had was with us for 2 years and she was great. We have a new one now that I think is going to work well for us as well. I have been able to meet each care giver BEFORE they started caring for Mom. As Mom's needs change we may have to change care givers due to their skills.

I also installed a camera system in the house, at first to keep track of Mom when I was away, now I can look into the care givers as well.

I just want to mention that if anyone is caring for a Veteran or a spouse of a veteran you MAY be able to obtain a VA benefit called Aid and Attendance, the Vet must have been in service during certain periods of time to qualify and there must be a monetary need. I have recently completed the process for my Mom and it is going to help with expenses, but it is the government so it’s a paperwork nightmare! Worth the effort if you qualify though!!

It was about three weeks from the time we had the appointment with the VA until we had our first visit from our Respite worker. I was surprised at how quickly the director interview was scheduled and how quickly she assigned someone. Some of our other experiences with the Veteran Choice program have not been as speedy.

@rmftucker Thanks! Good to know! I know the Veteran's Choice program is rather cumbersome. I've heard they're working on it.

@tsoy Oh my gosh! Thank you so much for the leads!

I am dealing with caregiving for my husband who has Parkinson's and dementia. I had the same problems with caregivers when I was hospitalized due to a heart attach. The people the agency sent (I was arranging for care for him from the hospital as we have no family in the area). They sent young, inexperienced people who would bring my husband to visit me for ten minutes and then when they left tell him they had to take them out to dinner and buy them cologne. Like you, my church was of no help. I finally found one caregiver who was great but after about six weeks she decided she didn't want to do that anymore. My husband is now in a skilled nursing facility after an unexpected hospitalization in a town 500 miles from where we live. I wish you the best of luck but if you find a way to find a good in home care giver, please share it. I'm scared, alone and at my wits end because I want my hubby at home where I can make sure he is cared for.

@tntredhead. Oh my gosh! How awful, and how scary! I'm so sorry about your circumstances, and hope you are able to move your husband back home soon.

I have not yet been able to begin to check on in-home care. My husband has had out-of-town medical appointments scheduled for yesterday and today, and that has taken up the day yesterday, and will today, too. I will try to share whatever I learn when I do learn anything. I'm saving my questions for the VA, until his next appointment, late next month, but may begin to look around locally yet this week. There's just so much to do every day. It's constant. But, I will share whatever and whenever I am able.

Hi @tntredhead! Good to get to e-know you here. I wish you the best with your husband, his care, and your care too! You are indeed plowing a tough row right now!

It makes me sad (and angry) to read the fact others have had, or are having, some of the same experiences my wife and I did with her caregivers. I believe someone is selling a very faulty business model for caregiving 'companies'! Someday I should sit in on one of their sales pitches and see how much they emphasize the need to be providing crucial services for families in need of a crucial service and how much they are selling profit potential!

If you have a hospice organization in your hometown, or one that serves your hometown, perhaps they might have some suggestions of aides or CNAs who are available for work. Or ours at least had a comprehensive list of service providers.

Peace and strength!

Can you go to your nearest hospital and ask for a list of caregivers for your husband? Or any agency that deals with seniors. You should not have to go to unreliable resources and eventually let you down

@tsoy , you can also ask your local CNA school who did really well in class and is looking for a job , You will know they graduated and did well , and you will pay less as they don't have tons of experience , and don't worry that they don't have experience as when I graduated I was ready to do the work and each patient is so individual anyway that it doesn't matter so much about experience. you may find help that way .Just an idea ..wish you well