@redtulip54 What you're going through is no way to live! I hope you find your way out of the relationship sooner rather than later.

I'm not suggesting that it's true for you, but often when an abused person wants to leave or does leave, negative feelings surface. Things like guilt, shame for staying, feeling like you're a quitter, thinking there was something you could have done to turn the abuser around... I understand some of the dynamics because I've been through it, not with my family, but with bosses and peers and people I thought were my friends.

I've been working with therapists for 18+ years, and I can vouch for their value in working through trauma and relationship issues. Even if they don't provide solutions, it's really helpful to have someone to talk to. Please seek out a therapist who has a specialty in abuse - I don't believe you'll regret it.

I trust the interaction with others here will be encouraging, as well.

One warning - beware of anyone telling you what to do, or trying to give inappropriate advice. Unfortunately, there are well meaning people who give wrong advice.

Our daughter is a therapist in Washington who has worked with clients many times who are in a similar situation. She and all of the therapists in her clinic know what the resources are and they know how to guide people toward their safe place.

Be safe and take care of yourself.

Jim