I so understand. I pray you get well. It’s a lonely journey dealing with physical ailments along with mental issues.

You have my sincere sympathy.

I am a 70-year-old married man who was forced into early retirement by serious mental health issues arising as after-effects of a ruptured brain aneurysm surgery 33/years ago.
( It's akin to a serious stroke in the brain, usually fatal. )

I had a career as a news reporter and journalist. But a newspaper can't have a depressed, suicidal reporter. So after one horrible episode, out I went on disability pension! My pension was generous, and my spouse works, so there was no severe financial crisis, thank god!

But it's been years of mental and physical suffering.

For my mental health issues I live on a steady diet of psychiatric meds. But still, deep depression persists. I think suicidally every day.

The brain injury caused me significant physical impairment as well. The left side of my body is weak: I limp painfully when I walk, and my left hand is nearly useless.
( Thank Heaven I'm right-handed!) Every morning its a comical struggle dressing myself. Before this, I never realized how coordinated a person has to be just to get dressed! Of course, I don't actually laugh, I curse.

As well as the post-surgical effects, I have been struggling for years with lower lumbar back pain caused by arthritis on my spine. It causes agonies of pain, and I so rarely even try to walk.

I have numerous doctors circling around me promising cures, delivering nothing.

Gone is my active, athletic lifestyle of walking, running, hiking, mountain climbing - any adventure I could think up. Now I’m just a cripple on a stick!
I haven't been outside of my apartment - except for doctor appointments - for three years. I feel like I’ve lost my life.

I've tried to believe in and cooperate with each new doctor and each new back treatment. I've even been put through an experimental new pain treatment. No help.

I thank Heaven everyday that Im a Canadian. Canada’s universal healthcare system has me covered for everything, I have not paid a single penny for my years of treatments and medications.

Still, healthcare or no healthcare, I'm stuck indoors anyway, feeling sorry for myself.

I don't know where this is going. I just hate feeling so disabled and missing out on everything fun in life.

All of this has been hard on my spouse too. We made a great couple when I was healthy. The mood around home is more sombre and edgy than before.

Well, as you can see, Im a prolific writer. Writing is the One Last Thing that brings me pleasure. Words just pour from my fingertips, and I know that often I go on too long. Like here? I hope not, but I can't help it. It’s like breathing!