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A question came to mind regarding hope.

Aging Well | Last Active: Oct 13 5:35pm | Replies (110)

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@thisismarilynb

I enjoyed reading you reply. Does it give me any hope? I am not sure. Tomorrow evening is going to be difficult for me. On Tuesday, August 20th, it will be the third anniversary of my husband's death. In our tradition, we light a candle the evening before to commemorate this. It will be a sad and lonely evening for me. And I have no idea how I will feel the next day. I still harbor a lot of anger. In spite of the well meaners who tell me it was his time to go, this is not true. He was just stubborn and would not listen when I begged him to use a walker when he had to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. He refused and fell - a third time. This time he broke his femur and was dead three months later. In addition I have anger against our health system. People don't go to hospitals anymore. They farm you out to these so-called skilled nursing facilities. What a joke. I had to be in one when I had my hip replacement. They do not know the meanings of skilled and nursing and they certainly do not have the trained staff to administer anything resembling that. I called it a hellhole. But I survived and he didn't.

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Replies to "I enjoyed reading you reply. Does it give me any hope? I am not sure. Tomorrow..."

I know what you mean about anger! My first husband died when he was 36--that was 30 years ago and I can still get angry feeling he didn't take care of himself. However, rather strangely, when I got a hard-to-treat breast cancer diagnosis two years ago I suddenly felt more forgiveness towards him! I think because I could relate more in terms of overwhelm and fear and pain. I'd never tell anyone to stay mad--or to get over it. I find these feelings just come and go like weather. I will add that in the main my memories of him are happy--and I continue to share them with our daughter. May your husband's memory be a blessing.