Please know that you aren’t alone. We all feel that pain that you are experiencing. I have found great comfort in reading the book “It’s Not You” by Dr. Ramani. My therapist highly recommended that book. You also can find her podcast on the internet. If you can find others that can support you that would be great. Anyone that understands. We do in this group. I am in with you all the way. Please read all comments on this thread. There may be something that will help.