jania59,
I'm so sorry you are suffering, and it appears you are suffering in silence without any support.
Re: telling your family, mdk1960, gave a great option. If telling your family is scary, and they don't already know you have been suffering and on medication, mdk1960 option is a KISS immediate solution. Then you can focus on what doctor options are available and best for you, now!! I buried this part of my reply, so you wouldn't write my reply off. You stated at the end of your post, I am scared.....if you are scared you will seriously harm your self and don't have or want to tell friends or family, then , right now, call or text 988 or another warmline(you are hurting and overwhelmed, but not suicidal) or a hotline ( you may be suicidal). These are very short term fixes, but they will listen and may have suggestions for how you move on and/or tell your family. Depression and anxiety are bitches/gremlins to live with. I wish I didn't know this, but I do, mine are kicking my ass 24/7. OMG, don't they ever get tired of attacking us. I am sending good vibes to you, lol, like that is gonna help, right. Good good luck Shelley