I understand.

I have to ask. Is your husband an Aries? No telling them what to do, how to do it...never has been. I'm a Sag and just want everyone to have fun and get along which worked for us for a long time. Now that the tables are turned and m my husband has ALZ, no longer my rock, the dynamics have turned. I don't want to be in charge, or do the "man jobs" or take care of money or make major decisions. But guess what, I have to. I'm sorry you don't have better memories to lean on, that makes your position all that much harder. All you can do is look for a win for the day regardless of what that means to you. Seeing hummingbirds feed at my flowers is a win for me. I just had 4 friends drive up to have lunch with me and my cup is filled for a long time. Reach out and gather in psychic income as my mother called it. Find ways to fill your cup to keep you going. The clock is ticking for all of us. Make the most of it the best way you can. You matter.

Your experience really resonates with me. My husband also has never been an easy person to live with. He's always been a glass half-empty kind of guy, rarely finding much to feel good or happy about, even though we have been fortunate in our lives to have a beautiful family (who live far away now), successful careers and a comfortable retirement. Now that he, really we, are facing a major health challenge, his outlook on life has gotten even more negative. There are ample opportunities where we live to get involved in small groups of people and activities, but he won't try. Like you, I think I should have gotten a divorce years ago, but now I won't consider leaving him because he really doesn't have anyone else to care for him, or even hang out with him, due to his personality. He's just not any fun to be around! I find myself getting more and more depressed and isolated as a result.

I don't often have time to catch up here, but this thread really spoke to me. My husband is mid stage Frontal Temporal Dementia with severe aphasia. He has declined rapidly in the last 9 mos. - it's shocking. But that's the nature of the early onset FTD. It progresses rapidly but the person is relatively young and healthy. Like Bruce Willis, one of my husbands' favorite actors, actually. I've been taking care of my husband full time for 3 years now, quit my job, quit volunteering, quit seeing my friends for dinner or a movie, quit travelling to spend the weekend with my grandsons. My husband is going to be 66 in 2 weeks, and had the first signs of aphasia 6 years ago. I am sure there were signs before but he was a quirky engineer and always pretty self absorbed, and it was, I now realize, always a "his way or the highway" relationship. So not surprisingly, he is a really tough guy to care for. He's obnoxious, purposefully uncooperative at times when I really need him to cooperate (think airport) and as he gets more confusion he seems to take it out on me. I have two caregivers that assist 5 mornings a week with showering and grooming, he has lost any sense of personal hygiene and refuses my help. So it thought taking this 6'2", 200 pound uncooperative toddler on a cruise would be a great idea. I did include all our grown kids and spouses, and the two grandsons thinking it would be a great family event. Nope. I was just caregiving, arguing, cajoling, worrying, managing him the whole time. I maybe had an hour with the kids in the pool. But my kids validated me - and we had a group text after - that it is time for their Dad to go to memory care so I can be a friend, not wipe his rear and beg him to let me brush his teeth. Being only 5'2" and 100 pounds doesn't help him take me seriously. He has pushed me and slapped my hands away many many times. Anyway the point is...I have been struggling with this for the last 9 mos. and the guilt, but banish the guilt. I have done my absolute best for 3 years and given up everything important to me, other than him. He isn't getting better, and what is the point of waiting until it get worse? Till he wanders off, really hurts me, touches some little kid at the mall? Tonight at dinner at a local Mexica restaurant he took his straw out of his drink and used it like a spoon to eat refried beans. I am not waiting until it's unbearable. I have a life to live, and he will be safe and cared for and have more activities than I provide as I am paying bills and maintaining his life, our home, etc. I am not letting this disease take out 2 people. Guilt has no place here, I've done all I can and he still needs more. Give yourself the same grace, please. I will visit him and enjoy the fun things, we can walk the dog, go to lunch, I can stay for movie night. But then I will go be me, and he will be respected and cared for and safe. It's going to be hard, I have read posts here that are helping me prepare for the inevitable lonely...but I am already lonely; I am just to tired to notice. Best wishes to you - find a way to get past the guilt and salvage one life. You can do it!

I also feel I should have ended my marriage decades ago, and now I have to deal with his dementia. I do it because it’s the right thing to do, and I care for him with love.

Just want to say I understand your situation now. Funny how life turns out.