We do have legal euthanasia in Canada, but it's not something that interests me personally. When my dad was dying of stage 4 colon cancer in 2012, I promised my kids that if I ever got sick, I'd fight it. I didn't think I'd have to do it so soon (in 2021, 9 years later), but I've kept my promise.

That's in no way to disparage people who make a different choice. I agree that the choice should be available for those who want it (though there's also a risk that doctors will nudge you towards it too readily just because it's available, which is something we're talking about a lot up here now).

(I agree that I would never give chemo, radiation, dialysis, or anything like that to a pet. Unlike us, they can't understand what's happening or give informed consent, so we're just torturing them.)

I respectfully disagree that the medical community is dispassionate. I’m sorry if that’s been your experience, but it has not been mine.

I respectfully suggest that you speak with someone professionally about the way you are feeling.

I signed up for counseling when I was overwhelmed with my diagnosis. It’s been helpful.

Best wishes for success with coping.

Hi @jmonte, I get where you are coming from. Sometimes treatment can seem or be worse that the disease. When my dad was told his cancer had returned and he had stage 4 colon cancer, he told us he didn't want to do chemo again. We supported that decision. Much to our surprise, he decided to try chemo after talking with the oncologist and being told he was in control. He could take chemo vacations or decide to stop at any time. After 4 months, he decided to stop. His oncologist supported his decisions at every step of the way.

I find that palliative care teams are the most compassionate and good cancer teams support and recognize the patient as the CEO in decision making. You might appreciate some of these related discussions:

- Choosing palliative care; what is your experience?
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/choosing-palliative-care-what-is-your-experience/
- Going my way: Decided to stop cancer treatments
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/going-my-way/
- When to stop treatment with stage IV metastatic rectal cancer?
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/when-to-stop-treatment-with-stage-iv-metastatic-rectal-cancer/
- Talking Frankly about Living with Advanced Cancer https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/talking-frankly-about-living-with-advanced-cancer/

@jmonte, have you heard of Death with Dignity https://deathwithdignity.org/resources/what-is-death-with-dignity/ ? Have you decided to stop treatment?

So I have to ask: How much pain are you in right now? Your original post made it sound like you had had Cyberknife and it failed and now you are at the ‘salvage’ stage of treatment, correct?
Every disease - every cancer, in fact, is different in different people. I watched my father - a bull of a man who could cut heavy gauge sheetmetal - with snips I could barely lift - like we cut paper with a scissor, die agonizingly of mesothelioma. This disease is still a death sentence for most who get it. But PROSTATE CANCER IS NOT.
I watched a patient ( I am a retired dentist) slowly kill himself by refusing all treatment for his diabetes - DIABETES!!!! Half the f’n world has it and this guy with a wife and kids in his 50’s saw no hope for him…he told me he would rather die than ‘go thru all that’….ALL WHAT??? Pills, injections that could prolong his life indefinitely??? I never understood it and he slowly died with amputations, kidney failure and all the rest.
But it was his choice and I hope he didn’t regret it when it was too late. As for myself, I do not see myself as a warrior or someone ‘battling’ this disease. I am a man with a background in biology and science and am truly grateful that treatment has progressed to where it is today. Five or ten years from now there will be RNA vaccines or some other type of curative treatment for PCa. Why don’t you stick around awhile and get whatever care you can for now. Your CURE might be right around the corner.