Reality

Posted by donlalo @donlalo, Aug 1 10:58pm

When I realized my diagnosis of an aggressive recurrent cancer, a cold steel rod went though me. With each breath, I struggled with rage, wanting to scream but knowing my screams were empty efforts to undo narcissistic vulnerability.

I saw my wife's pain. I am so very sorry she suffers. My wife is my best friend. When we meet the medical team, it is always about me. She is ignored. In some ways I think she suffers more than I do.

I shall fight to win.
DL

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stevecando54 | @stevecando54 | Aug 2 4:23am

My wife of 48 years, also my best girl is why I can battle through my stage 4. Without her, I wouldn't make it. Our partners are our best med to travel on our journey. Best to all.

pml | @pml | Aug 2 8:28pm

DL:
Good for you! You will win! My husband recently died in July from lung cancer but he survived with it for 13 years that we had together! (We actually had 30 wonderful years but the last 13 were shadowed by the cancer.) Do the best you can; eat right and pray! Prayer works wonders! After all, it is up to God when you die and nobody else; no matter what the doctors say. My husband was supposed to die in 5 years according to the doctors, but he lasted for 13 years. Your wife needs to inject herself into your care and ask the doctors questions herself. What I did was write down my husband's blood pressures for a month and make a list to take to the appointments. I also did a narrative for every appointment about the physical things my husband was still able to do; such as leaf blowing the yard, fix the kitchen drain, drives the car everywhere and very well, fixes breakfast, lunch and dinner, folds laundry etc. This way, they knew exactly what he was physically able to do. They really appreciated this information since it gave them a better idea of where his progression was. I also researched all of his medications and their side effects so I could bring it up to them if he was having a problem in some way. My husband and I became a team against his cancer along with the doctors. We kept that up to the last even to the point of deciding not to have hospice come into our home. I took care of him even though it meant getting up three times a night to help him with his breathlessness and get him to his nebulizer for treatment. We prayed together continually and told each other how much we loved each other. I cherish that. You and your wife will get through this and will be parted for a while. But eventually, you will be reunited in Heaven just as I will be with my husband.
I wish you the best. I will say a prayer for you.
PML

donlalo | @donlalo | Aug 2 10:47pm

How very beautiful and romantic. The bridge of love has no limitations. The two of you swaddled in clothing of love, embracing each other as one.
You are lucky people.
DL