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Well, I'm gay and I can tell you that no one in that community wants a guy who can't perform sexually. Several guys in my support group have had partners of 10, 15 and even 20 years leave them after they got prostate cancer.
I've tried to make connections and had some fun dates with guys I shared a lot of common interests with, but once I tell them my d*ck doesn't work I'm ghosted. I honestly can't blame them. I wouldn't want to be with someone who had no interest in sex--in my younger days I spent five years with someone like that who had nothing wrong with him and it was frustrating so I finally ended it even though there was real love there.
I'm just trying to get a sense as to whether I can realistically expect to ever have any kind of sexual function again. If not, I'm looking at Dignitas in Switzerland which does legal euthanasia for those suffering physical or mental problems. I can't imagine having this kind of grief, pain and loneliness for the rest of my life.
I think I made a VERY bad decision having my prostate cancer treated and that I've permanently ruined my life.
Replies to "Well, I'm gay and I can tell you that no one in that community wants a..."
I'm so sorry to hear that — it must be heartbreaking.
There must be other men out there who are looking for love but not necessarily sex (whether or not they're Ace). Perhaps they're home bodies, and don't spend time in the places you used to meet partners, like bars or gyms, but *please* don't think you're suddenly unloveable just because you're on this prostate-cancer journey with us.
First of all, I’m sorry for everything you’re going through. I’m also sorry for everything I’m going through too. Our situations are testing both of us and we’re going to find out what we’re made of. Please do not give up. Please read on.
FWIW, I’m not gay, but my son is, and I have several gay friends, including one that lost sexual function due to prostate issues. All of us who lost sexual function as a result of treatment are in the same boat and it’s not the “Love Boat”.
Not a lot of things make me sad but losing sexual function is something Ive thought about every day since my surgery this past January. For a guy who just turned 69, my wife and I enjoyed an active and loving sex life and losing that has at the times been heartbreaking for a multitude of reasons. Before surgery, my surgeon warned me that severe ED was highly likely and because I have a never give up attitude I told him “If anyone is going to beat those odds it’s going to be me.” He liked my attitude done and still does now.
I am six months past surgery and I’m meeting with a urologist in three weeks to address the issue.
I already tried a vacuum erection device. It wasn’t for me. Cialis hasn’t helped yet either. Viagra probably won’t work. I’m going to talk to the urologist about using Tri-mix injections to get erections. My surgeon and my oncologist both support the idea. Am I enthusiastic about having to inject myself in the penis to get sexual function back? Of course the answer is no but if it works, I think it’ll be worth it. Information on tri-mix here: https://www.mayoclinic.org/drugs-supplements/papaverine-injection-route/side-effects/drg-20065314?p=1
If the injections don’t work, I’m going to look into receiving a penile implant. I have two acquaintances that have received them, and both are satisfied with their sex lives since getting them. One man is gay, the other is straight. Here’s information on that: https://www.mayoclinic.org/drugs-supplements/papaverine-injection-route/side-effects/drg-20065314?p=1
Northwestern Medicine is one of the few cancer centers of excellence and has put together a program for gay and bisexual men who are dealing with prostate cancer. Here is a link to the page which also has further links. I hope this helps you in some way. https://www.nm.org/-/media/northwestern/resources/care-areas/urology/northwestern-medicine-prostate-cancer-in-gay-and-bisexual-men-brochure.pdf
Thanks for trusting us here on the form to share your feelings. You are not alone.
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interesting. I had not thought of it from a gay mens point of view. I dont have an answer. The important things in my life are my children, grandkids, having an active life, activities with my family. My sexual inclinations dont seem to have as much importance as these other things. I feel fulfilled. Prostate cancer is not going to rule my life. Good luck.