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Suggestions? How to tactfully declne giving info to friends?

Posted by shs13 @shs13, Jul 31 3:36pm

I had a prostatectomy and now I’m currently going through salvage radiation therapy. I’m very fortunate to have close friends and family that are very supportive. I have one close friend, however, that routinely asks when my next PSA test will be and then wants to know right afterwards how the test went. While I appreciate the concerns for my welfare, this can be a bit intrusive because if the test didn’t go well I may not be ready to have that discussion with anyone other than my spouse. I was wondering if anyone has had a similar experience or can offer any tactful suggestions on how to respond to this or how to avoid this awkward situation without alienating the person.

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toolbelt | @toolbelt | Jul 31 3:55pm

I would just say "I very much appreciate your interest and concern, but if any given test result is not what I expect I will need time to process that, and time to consider what my options are. Once I arrive at that decision you will be one of the first to know".

If it is truly a close friend they will understand and continue to be supprtive.

Stay Strong Brother!!

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lag | @lag | Jul 31 5:09pm

You could just say "I want to talk to my wife before I talk about it with anyone else." That is truthful and also a very reasonable thing to do. I can't imagine that a good friend will be offended by that. And it should be effective for future tests; if not, gently remind him of your desire to talk to your wife about it first.

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shs13 | @shs13 | Jul 31 5:25pm

That’s helpful thanks

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tuckerp | @tuckerp | Jul 31 6:42pm

I assume the very close friend is a male. He most likely is just very concerned. I just left it as an open book. I still do 4 years later. I am one of those kind of guys if you ask how I am doing , I make you wish you had not asked. I leave some of the details out for our female friends that ask.

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shs13 | @shs13 | Jul 31 8:22pm
In reply to @tuckerp "I assume the very close friend is a male. He most likely is just very concerned...." + (show)
@tuckerp

I assume the very close friend is a male. He most likely is just very concerned. I just left it as an open book. I still do 4 years later. I am one of those kind of guys if you ask how I am doing , I make you wish you had not asked. I leave some of the details out for our female friends that ask.

Jump to this post

You’re probably right that it’s being done with good intentions. I prefer to give updates when I’m ready. I also don’t want the cancer to become my identity which is why I only share it with family and close friends. They are around me the most and it is important to have a support network. Maybe that’s my way of trying to hang on to a “normal life”. I do appreciate your input!

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1 reply
robertmizek | @robertmizek | Aug 1 7:59am
In reply to @shs13 "You’re probably right that it’s being done with good intentions. I prefer to give updates when..." + (show)
@shs13

You’re probably right that it’s being done with good intentions. I prefer to give updates when I’m ready. I also don’t want the cancer to become my identity which is why I only share it with family and close friends. They are around me the most and it is important to have a support network. Maybe that’s my way of trying to hang on to a “normal life”. I do appreciate your input!

Jump to this post

Welcome to the brotherhood. Sorry you had to join but this community is here for you.

I’ve been where you are at now. I had a lot of mixed emotions and did not want to be identified primarily as “Bob Mizek-cancer patient”. One of my friends is on a near identical journey to me. I had been very private about my journey while he was very public, including it on his Facebook page. He told me that by making elements of his journey with PCa public, he controlled the content of what information friends had access to. I followed his lead and have done the same thing both publicly and privately, and it’s worked out great. The last eight months have been challenging for me to say the least and the outpouring of love and support that I’ve received has helped me develop the courage to face my worst fears and remain enthusiastic and cheerful.

However, you decide to handle it, I hope that you experience the same wonderful support that I’ve experienced. All the best to you on your journey.

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shs13 | @shs13 | Aug 1 10:08am

Thank you for the positive thoughts and all the best to you as well!

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