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To move near family or stay put
Aging Well | Last Active: 7 hours ago | Replies (131)Comment receiving replies
I believed my adult son and his wife when they encouraged me to move near them, but when I got there, their tune changed. When I was told, the second time, that if I needed to go to the hospital they would take me, but they wouldn't come in with me, they would just let me out to go in by myself, that I realized it wasn't a good place for me to be. There were other suttle signals, my son promising to do some work on my house and then having him call me to tell me that he wouldn't be able to do it - until he had finished every task on the own home first. It was a very uncomfortable time, but I decided to move back to where I had started from. My friends welcomed me back with open arms, but my son and his wife no longer talk to me.
Replies to "I believed my adult son and his wife when they encouraged me to move near them,..."
@joanland you did the right thing for yourself, too. Hopefully your son and his wife - or at least your son - will reconcile at some point.
@joanland
Dear joanland,
So sorry this happened to you. Although virtually all of my extended family started out in same town, over time, kids have moved to cities where their colleges/grad schools were located (and they stayed...now in their 50's), and my sister moved to be in same town as nephew, leaving me the only member of our family who is still in our hometown. I have some vision limitation, but am still able to drive on streets I've been traversing for 60+ years. Also, in hometown there is little traffic, compared to cities to which rest of family has moved. I also enjoy friends and neighbors I've known for decades...some for 60+ years. I often miss my family, but if I were to wrench myself away from my hometown, and then discover my daughter and her family are too busy to visit often, it would break my heart beyond repair. Hometown is more affordable, more comfortable, and certainly more convenient than East Coast cities where kids making their lives. I've assembled a crack medical team. Not the same as an attentive kid...but then, proximity doesn't always ensure attention. As I (and now you, sadly) have learned the hard way. Just writing this so you know you've got lots of company.
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@joanland I am so sorry this has happened to you.
It sounds like your son wanted to do more for you, but his wife didn’t appreciate him spending more time on you and your needs than what she was prepared to grant him. My uncle was torn between his mom and his wife in the same way.
I’m so glad you have a supportive community around you. ( don’t have children so I know I need to plan my community. I do have 2 very close nieces but I’m not counting on them having time for me when I’m older.
Awful for you that your son and his wife aren’t talking to you now. You don’t need that stress! They’ve probably had a lot of fights between them over what happened.
Wishing you joy and comfort in your community ❤️🩹