aneesa2632, I have no answers to offer you right now, cuz all I have is questions. I can offer you a gigantic virtual hug 🫂 and let you know that I have and currently do experience what you have. My saving me from myself has been my husband. Interestingly, how we came together, and stayed together, for 36 years, is truly something rare and special. There is no one who thought we would ever make it. Our age difference, my 2nd marriage and I had 3 children under 10 years old, his 4th marriage, no children. I mention this, I guess, to remind you and myself, keep trying not to push away everyone, if they are a positive influence for you and you for them. I may have over shared in my first reply and I apologize if I did. That would be the "mom" in me sensing a young person needing to be taken seriously. Shelley