Gardenchef (love that name) it reminds me of when we had our huge garden and we would go out and pick fresh veges and herbs and come back in and prepare them for dinner!
I always knew something was "off" with my mother. It wasn't until I was in my mid 50's did I learn about narcissism. I had heard the term, but never really knew what it meant. I just thought my mother was mean and controlling. Never nurtured, never hugged or even told "I love you" as a child or an adult. I did go to live with my dad and my step mom (who was awesome) when I was 15. I also found out my mother was institutionalized when I was around 3 years old, after my dad came home from work and found her shaking me and yelling at me. After going no contact, I learned she would push me down as a toddler and when I started crying, she would yell at me to stop crying and tell my daddy "shut that kid up". I also found out a huge scar I have above my forehead was from her pushing me into an end table as a small child. So many other things. Anyway, I tried gray rock by my therapist. It was so bad that he recommended going no contact, which I did. No notice, I just stopped all contact with her and changed my number and moved away. I felt alot of guilt at first, but I know now it was for my own well being and sanity.
My mother has made several attempts to contact me through my kids and husband and has even gone so far as to call 911 and fake an illness, yet refusing to go with them if I do not show up and go with her.
I did EMDR therapy as well. I was diagnosed with CPTSD due to the prolonged chronic emotional childhood abuse.
Then, as luck would have it, I married a narcissist at age 18. Divorced him little over 6 years later. I basically married my mother. How lucky! The gas lighting and manipulation is so debilitating. Again, I was not aware that my ex was that way, I learned when I learned about my mother. My 2 kids from previous marriage are adults now with their own kids. They do not have a relationship with him either as he did the same thing to them.
Fortunately, I have bene married 33 years to the love of my life. He treats me like a queen and is so loving and supportive of me.
Sorry this was so long.