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Spouse has very early dementia?
Caregivers: Dementia | Last Active: Apr 7 10:30am | Replies (15)Comment receiving replies
He’s retired. I couldn’t answer as to planning and doing because he literally does nothing other than cook and sometimes dishes. He was suppose to rebuild our back porch last summer. We had bought the wood etc… he built the original porch when we moved here 27 yrs ago. He kept putting it off and we ended up hiring someone to build it. He sits in his chair all day. Some days he doesn’t even get dressed. This is not who he was at all. I feel like I’m going nutty. I know I’m grieving the life we had and what we won’t have. What I had thought we would do after retirement. Other than to go to the store and once in a great while he will go to our daughters. Other than his appointments @ VA he doesn’t do or go anywhere or do anything. I’m exhausted because I’m doing everything. Caring for our chickens all of it. I have been on disability for 10 years. It’s hard on me physically but I think emotionally it’s even harder. When he has said the wrong word for something and I say something about it he tells me he did it on purpose cause he knows I think something’s wrong. I call bull on that though . I’ve seen his face when he has done it and he doesn’t know he said the wrong word. I also told him that it would be relationship defeating for him to do it on purpose as he knows how I’m feeling. I think I just want to know what’s wrong , what’s going on with him and then I can deal with it better. Not knowing but knowing is hard. I guess I’m wanting a doctors confirmation. A medical diagnosis so I can believe totally. Not one person we know does not say what’s up or what’s wrong with _ _ _ _ .
Replies to "He’s retired. I couldn’t answer as to planning and doing because he literally does nothing other..."
I agree that not knowing is hard. At least when you know you can name and it plan for the future. Lots of great suggestions here from others. Keeping you in my thoughts.
Hi, it looks like you haven't written for awhile.
I read your post, and I could have written it myself, our situation is so similar. One difference is that my husband did not resist going to the doctor, was referred to a Neuro doc and after 2 appointments in two years diagnosis went from Mild Cognitive Impairment to Frontotemporal dementia.
You really must seek some form of support, and even though it may fall on deaf ears, you need to let him know how he is affecting you, and what your needs are.
When I share how my husband's dementia affects me, he just says, 'oh'. It's so tragic that he has mostly flat affect when discussing emotions, or he has inappropriate reactions to emotions (e.g., laughing when someone is crying or when he hears sad news).
I am in more than one support group: a dementia support group through our local medical office, and the Mayo Clinic virtual Caregivers support group that meets weekly online.
Good luck to you! 🫂
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@cbmb
How difficult all of this must be! do you feel that he would be OK on his own for short times? That would give you some time to go somewhere or do something.
if he goes to the VA and seems to like his doctor, I agree that it would be good to let the doctor know the details before your next visit. You could also ask the doctor for a neuro-psych evaluation.. It might give you some answers.
And, lastly, you could find a therapist for yourself! The longer this goes on, the more stressed you be, and unable to care for him. A therapist will listen to your needs and help you answer them. They may also have solutions to some of the problems you’ve encountered. Do you think your husband would be open to some of these ideas?