I read that as a G7 I could go up to five years without symptoms if I chose no treatment, and that was my plan until several family members BEGGED and cried for me to try some kind of treatment, so I reluctantly agreed, but I had no idea treatment would be this awful and painful so part of the reason I avoid them now is anger. My original plan was to just take the five years (or whatever it was) and then do medical assistance in dying (legal in my U.S. state) if/when it became painful.

Now I'm told I could live 10-15 or more years but I can't imagine feeling this way for that long. All kinds of physical and mental problems I NEVER had before starting ADT. The joint pain is the worst but doctors in the U.S. no longer care about or treat pain in any meaningful way and I have a bleeding disorder so can't use Aleve or Ibuprofen (Tylenol is useless) and I'm too old to know a drug dealer to buy pain meds from (only half kidding). I tried THC gummies and they work but I'm not a huge fan of being high.

Still, I suppose somewhere in me is a shred of hope because I keep going to the gym to do resistance training and taking my dog for 5 mile walks. I think the best way to describe how I feel right now is like a birdcage but the door opened and the bird flew away and now there's just the empty cage.