I’m sorry to hear you are going through this and here on the forum, but to that extent, you have found a strong support community, so that is a plus! There is tons of good input so far, so will try to share just new ideas

Meaning/Purpose – You are age 60 and claim to be “faking my way through work”. Congratulations, you are employed and have a job where your abilities allow you to be productive and add value. The issue here is that you are fully aware that your contribution has changed significantly, that is often hard to accept. My suggestion is to map out your retirement and come up with scenarios that allow for early retirement by reducing your annual expenses. Once you have a few scenarios mapped out, then take a step back, relax, and ask yourself about the meaning/purpose of your life. This is an extremely hard question sometimes (sometimes it is easy), but in general my suggestion is to get a piece of mind about the necessity of employment and in doing so to re-energize a new sense of meaning/purpose.

Perception by others – You are human, so it is perfectly fine to have raw emotions that result in worries and feeling down about how others perceive you as your body takes on radically different shape and ability, and your daily activities change. Just remember the physical side of our lives is just a tiny layer of physical material that is wrapped around who we are as a person. Your friends, family, sexual partners ultimately love you for who you are, not for the size of your muscles or the ability to maintain an erection. If folks truly don’t want you in their lives because of physical imperfections, let them go, gently.

Your feelings – How you feel is who you are, so embrace it (it is a gift of equal value to be happy or sad) and seek out a professional to talk to about how you feel. Dealing with cancer and the active grief that it brings may be the catalyst for bringing to the surface a multitude of pre-existing conditions not limited to trauma, loss of innocence, abandonment. This is heavy stuff, and you just need to talk with someone. You might need cognitive behavior therapy, who knows, but start talking with a professional and stick with it, they will help peel back this onion with you.

Three things – Refine quality of life by three things. 1, having a healthy bowel movement. 2, having a good night sleep. 3, being kind to people each day. A healthy bowel movement requires a good diet, increase your fiber, reduce ultra processed foods, but do what you enjoy and be mindful. You want a hot dog or ice cream, have it and enjoy it, just don’t do it frequently. A good night sleep might require taking long walks before going to bed, taking a shower before bed, stretching, drinking tea, etc. Find a way to infuse gratitude and calmness into your end of day activities and your brain should slow down and allow for sleep. Kindness - Being kind to people is key, sure you used to be very active and have f& buddies and do pre-cancer stuff, those are great memories and cherish them, but now try to be more Zen-like and express good wishes to people you see and think good thoughts.

Final thoughts – None of these steps are easy, life isn’t easy. Pace yourself. Your past is a treasure trove of memories and experiences, no one can take it away from you, share it widely and often as the opportunities present themselves. See this as an entrance into a new chapter of your life. Life is mysterious which means it is beautiful and terrifying at the same moment, we are lucky to have today.