You have nailed it exactly. It has taken a while to realize it, but I am a widow already. Our 57th wedding anniversary is this month, and I have no desire to acknowledge it in any way. My husband is unattached to me or to anyone..not his fault, of course. It is easier when you accept that you are providing assisted living without a paycheck; and to expect nothing in return. My husband doesn't know who I am or even feel married. He likes that I'm around, but that is it. He is totally passive.
Don't compare him to the man he was..he isn't. Give yourself grace and do things that make you happy, or you will end up years from now with nothing for you if all your focus has been on him. Your past is in the rearview mirror; move forward the best way you can.
He isn't in pain; he isn't dying of cancer; he can still dress and feed himself. Think about what he can do..not what he can't or won't do.
This isn't easy, that is for sure. The family will tend to focus on the ailing dad. Remember you matter.