Hi friends. I'm not quite a year past diagnosis. July 31st will be one year anniversary of finding out "something" was wrong. I'll never forget it. About two and a half weeks later, I was a breast cancer patient. I had a double mastectomy in Oct. '23, redo surgery for clear margins in Nov., and reconstruction in March. I didn't have to go through chemo and chose not to do radiation, so that's a whole other set of traumas I didn't experience. I feel for those who did, my mother being one of them. It was hard to watch let alone go through, I imagine. However, post my last surgery, I was pretty far down the depression rabbit hole.

Medication might be an issue for some? Tamoxifen, I've read, has major side effects. I've read many on this site think their medications are affecting their moods. Some even started taking anti-depressants to combat it. However, there is also the fact we've all experienced this crazy trauma that changed our minds, bodies, and souls forever and became members of a club we never wanted to join...and that's a lot to process.

I found exercise and writing in a journal have helped me. Accepting who I am NOW has helped. Coming to this site has helped me immensely - being able to connect with people who truly understand this experience has been HUGE. And I'm focusing on getting good sleep. The meds cause hot flashes, so I sleep terribly some nights, but I'm trying different strategies to combat that. I find when I don't sleep well, I'm more of a mess.

One thing I'm giving myself some grace on -- getting cancer wasn't my fault. I actually needed to understand that, accept that and let it go. It happened to me. It totally sucks. I have to deal with it, probably, for the rest of my life. But I don't need to let it continue to take me down emotionally.

The day I got my diagnosis, I felt like my life got immediately shorter. And it may be true. It filled me with fear and sadness, so much so I started to shut down. I can't pinpoint what snapped me out of it, but one day I decided...I'm going to go live my life. I need to keep moving forward for me. (And should anyone here need a cheerleader along your path...I'm your girl.)

"Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not come. We only have today. Let us begin." -- Mother Teresa

Holding you in my heart, BC sisters.