Tuckerp,
so sorry to hear about things going on in your life. Best advice I heard (and from this group) was to get PT from a post-prostate surgery specialist. It made a world a difference (assuming you get a good PT). I saw her starting in April for about 8 visits - every couple weeks, then once a month. She really helped my kegels and other simple (because otherwise I wouldn't do them) exercises. She also helped me with diet and was a great cheerleader for me. One of the things she was good at is understanding me. I told her how I hate exercises (I do love cardio stuff though) and have trouble following routine.
So she made everything simple for me and I do some things while in the shower and maybe 5 minutes total of exercise/kegels daily. She practices in Columbia, Md for Johns Hopkins (my surgeon recommended her). FYI, when I used a pad, I found a super light, small pad that was perfect. Seems way better than whatever you're using (see attached; about 3x4 inches & as thin as an athletic sock.
I'm not an expert, but I believe the "use it or lose it" refers to erections and not to incontinence. I did discuss the erection issue with my PT and she also had some good advice. What I understood was that it's important to deal with the erectile dysfunction early, because the urologists suggested progress may be limited after a year or so. I would highly recommend you watch the video I posted about in an earlier reply https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f0bflKbR2To
that talks about erectile dysfunction. I went to her a bunch of times and she prescribes my pills and talked about options. She also highly recommended using a PT who gave me more practical advice. I've done a couple telemed visits with her and she may willing to do those w/o an inperson visit.