The ways others react to news of your prostate cancer

My experience was atypical, because I was seriously ill in hospital for the first months after my 2021 diagnosis (and under COVID lockdown for several weeks of that), so I didn't have a lot of casual conversations.

Once I was out, my social contact was still initially limited because I was in a wheelchair and it was winter. So by the time I started bumping into casual acquaintances and neighbours again, it was mostly "Wow, you're doing so well!" (referring to my regained mobility).

But that said, I did get a few people repeating the clichés that prostate cancer is an old person's disease, that it develops slowly, etc. I patiently educate them about the rarer, aggressive kind that hits young and spreads fast. There haven't been enough of those people to wear my patience down yet.

I received lots of well wishes and cards from coworkers while I was out of work for two months. Lots of hugs when I went back as well! I don't go into detail with most, that's kind of a downer. I got the "at least I got the not so bad cancer" remark. And one family member thought after I finished chemo that is was all gone. Tough to enlighten them without seeming dark. I try to keep smiling and keep going. Best to all.

It’s a matter of prefacing your diagnosis by telling them not to be compelled to respond as cheerleaders because nothing they say will be appropriate. Politely tell them they can reconcile the need to respond in their own privacy. All you need is to be treated as you don’t have cancer, until you need their help with “things” that you can’t get done alone.

I should probably make this a longer comment so as not to sound cynical. But, it basically comes down to how you feel and think each day about yourself, not how THEY feel. Be in control and be content with yourself. Dont get caught in the trap that you’re getting attention because you’ve got cancer and it feels good while it’s happening. After the momentary cheerleading and feigned affection by some, and their need to offer uninformed advice has past, you might feel like you have a hangover from all the attention. Working on one’s identity with the challenges ahead is more empowering and avoids the “ attention hangover.”

@johnt0707
I am not sure who told you if you have to have cancer this is the best one. There is nothing good nor not serious about having prostrate cancer. Many types prostrate cancers are very serious, as well as the different types especially if have metsasized. If caught earlier, like almost all cancers, the success rates are very high with the most common type.

The comments by northoftheborder echos my feelings and experience from most in their knowledge of prostrate cancer. Most of the comments to me were about all the new treatments available now and their success rates. A comment on MCC was REGRETTFULLY "Welcome to the club."

FYI: The least serious cancer is basal cell skin cancer. If caught earlier is almost always cured. It can be cured in a single treatment if caught early. I even hesitate to make that comment or to imply skin cancer is not serious. Some skin cancers are very aggressive and require intensive treatments.

Battling and curing prostrate cancer is total different battle. I had great R/O and treatment facility as well as an outstanding PCP who continues to follow my prostrate cancer ongoing testing and treatment success. I consider myself lucky, Not because is was prostrate cancer but the oustanding medical professionals who refused to follow norms and insisted on testing not just looking at where a PSA number was but was it rising, and then providing me with knowledge of the newest treatments and success rates.

I generally find that with friends, colleagues and acquaintances, keeping it simple is best. They do not want to nor would they understand discussion we have on this and other forums - Gleason Score, Grade Group, TRUS Biopsy, Pathology Reports, SRT, PFS, OS.... They certainly don't want to talk about side effects such as ED, genitalia shrinkage.

Same for family...

I do counter when they say things such as "I've heard if you have to have cancer, that is the best one, or it's such a slowing growing cancer...I know someone who was 90 years old and dies of something else..! I tell them that some 30K men each year in the US die of their PCa, that the side effects can impact our lives in many ways..

Kevin

There is only a few at work that know why I was out for 2 months. I do talk about it with a few close coworkers. Most times at work and with family I get the "how you doing". I answer, doing good, how you doing. Besides talking with my wife, this site allows me to talk with others in the same boat. I try very hard not to bring it up at work. I really didn't get the cheerleading treatment for what I have, only well wishes for coming back to work. I thank you for your comment and no, you did not sound cynical. best to all.

Thank you for the reply. Every reply from anyone who is going through this is always helpful and a learning experience. Mostly, it keeps me personally from feeling I am the center of the universe, and that at the same time, I am not alone. I wish you blessing and every day a magical day regardless of my use of the word “reality”. I am grateful for this contact. Thank you.

Many "Freshly Googled Reactions" and a Few "Survivor Reactions." I value both. Amazed at the amount of genuine caring amount my buddies.

The people that get under my skin are the ones that say " well, no one dies of prostate cancer , so it no big deal " . Really ? this is their knowledge base ? More men each year die of PC each year than 'people' dies of Breast Cancer in NA ... but always gets less than 5% of the funding for research ! James on Vancouver Island.