The phase that one's abilities are not what they were is so difficult. And I am sure it is harder for some than others. I am sorry for the added anxiety of 'let's pretend' adds to the problems you must handle. My revelation that politeness would never keep him safe was the extra bank charges for transfers from a savings account to a checking account to cover checks about to bounce. In the three months it took to unravel the steady drift of his mind, it became apparent I had to step up and forget about hurting his feelings. We have always lived peaceably. Drama is not our style, but on the day he decided to take back the reconciliation of the checkbooks, I tried to reason. Well, you know where that gets you. I didn't know I had it in me, but I yelled, "Never". I would not let him undo hard work. He had to accept that I was in his corner. And, insistence to not gracefully give up his jobs, would only leave us both unsafe. All at raised decibels. I think it shocked both of us. -- Like your husband, my husband was a capable man. He was a manager for a tech company, built two homes, wired them both, and maintained our present house while clearing my honey-do list daily. But I have taken over all I once relied on him to do. In the past years, I have supervised the installation of a sprinkling system, a whole house generator, a new roof, and leaf gutters. Had the house painted and found lawn care people and tree removers. New carpeting throughout the house required a month of staging. A garage door opener has replaced the one that died, and the out-of-code mailbox is no more. In its place is a bigger one that accommodates medium-sized packages. It was a lot of work, but everything done was with the vision of keeping us safe, keeping us in our home, and making life easier. -- At first, I was wary of consulting my husband. I would assess his mood and the time of day and ensure I had information to share that put his mind at ease. It has taken patience and some missteps, but he seems content that I am now the majordomo. Yesterday was my 87th birthday, and I am still learning. -- I often had sneak conversations on the phone with workmen or discussed an issue on the porch for a pre-meeting meeting. Take the workmen into your confidence and assess them of the reality of your situation. They will be allies. Take notes. And ask questions over and over until you understand how a system works. You are paying them for service. Let them serve. The transition will be hard, but with your loved one's safety at stake, as well as your own sanity, the only thing to do is take charge. Best of Luck, GloRo