Really Hard Days ...

I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing.

It is a scary time, so I'm glad you are reaching out to talk to people here. People who haven't been through it don't understand, as kind as they try to be. During my "waiting" times, I tried to keep busy to keep my mind off things. I really like organizing, so I think I cleaned out every closet and drawer in my house...twice! Yoga and mediation did help some too.

@lifetraveler so sorry for your loss, and it was sudden. I know what it is like getting that call but I still have my child.

Back to managing fear. I have actually thought of seeing a therapist because I think the fear gets buried kind of deep and influences decisions without being conscious of it, if that makes sense. Even if we feel peaceful and think we are fine.

I don't really like the term "survivor," because we don't really know if we have survived cancer. But for now and for the years we have and maybe for the rest of our lives (for many of us) it really can be on the back burner and we stay well.

My heart goes out to you, I am sorry. My son is four now - I found the lump in the last month of pregnancy. The sorrow I have had about being sick and maybe not living to see him grow was very great.

Things that helped were support groups and crying a lot with my husband. Grieving away from the kiddo.

I had extensive chemo and lost my hair but he wasn't really worried about that. The lifting restrictions were toughest developmentally, since I couldn't hold him much of his babyhood - they would just put him on my lap but I couldn't babywear or anything like that.

What freaks him out is my MRI scans - everything else is fine but he is terrified of me being under the loud noise. It may be that it is something like that that bothers your daughter the most. Somewhere I saw that the American Cancer Society has social groups for school-aged kids who's parents are in treatment, that may be a good resource.

Also,my sita d our roommate both shaved a part of their hair (cut so it was under the top layer of hair) and then we all "grew out our hair together".

Hugs to you.

@angiemal just want to add that with ER and PR positive (especially if highly positive) and HER2 negative, chances are you won't have chemo. Many of us, even with grade 3 cancers like me, have avoided chemo these days thanks to the Oncotype.

As for fear of recurrence, I would try to have faith in the meds: tamoxifen or aromatase inhibitors depending on your age. Again many of us go years or even forever with no recurrence.

The trick in life - since we all run into so many difficulties in a lifetime- seems to be to only worry when worry is warranted. Again, easy to say and hard to do. If you can just distract yourself as much as possible until the Oncotype comes, that can help!

Thanks @windyshores ! You´re right. I´m reading a book where they say that you should write down your fears and use 10 minutes of the day to worry about them. Rest of the day just clear your mind and if something comes to mind then write it down and forget it until your next 10 minutes session.

Only the excercise of writing down my fears has helped a lot!!! Being part of this group and reading all your experiences is doing magic! ...

Thanks to all for this!!

@angiemal what a great idea. Already you are helping others!

I had similar. Stage 1b. Dmx radiation No chemo oncotype anestrozole for 4 years. Dr not supportive emotionally Still have anxiety. said would not help then said I could have it. I didn’t, now I worry that I should have. Meds for anxiety don’t help. Taking klonapin when I can’t stand the anxiety, anyone with good suggestions on how to deal. 6 years remission but feel anxious most of time except at night, want the calm feeling to transfer to day but each morning anxiety comes back.Thanks

@kathy88 what was your Oncotype score? Anastrazole for 4 years must have helped!

One of my oncologists also said I "could" have chemo but my other oncologist said no. Oncotype was low. I felt good about not doing chemo and still do. I did 5 years of letrozole and try to keep it on the back burner- easy to say!

First it was 17 then it was 23. I dont know why the change in scores. That was intermediate score before but there was a big study and it said anything below 25 was low. I had a different Dr who was close with the US San Diego said no chemo then the surgeon changed the oncologist the 2nd one first said no but then said I could. Things like that are very upsetting. The 2nd oncologist said exercise helps as much as ais. I try to keep calm. How do you Handle the stress? Thank you