@kartwk

When I read your comments, I was not sure if you actually have a will or not. If you do not have one, you need to get one drawn up immediately. If already have one, maybe it is time to review with a good estate lawyer. You need to make sure you are each taken care of if something happens.

I have been executor on multiple estates, and the more clearly everything is expressed in a will or trust, the less turmoil after. In addition, review all your finical accounts and how they are set up, are they set up as joint, if have CDs or other investments, whose names are on them. An estate lawyer can help, it may cost now, but will save lot problems later.

Whoever is your executor, does need to know where to find key information. My local bank has list of key documents that you should have available for your executor :
https://www.thinkbank.com/live-prepared--get-these-25-key-papers-in-order

It does get confusing when step-children are involved. Do you and your husband agree on what will happen when one of you passes or is unable to make diecsions? Do not let the children pressure you. You will need to agree on a executor, someone you can trust to carry out your wishes. You can have joint executor if you think need to make sure someone does not take advantage. My mom's was set up that way. My brother and myself were joint, he signed over his responsibly to me because I was in better position to handle and he trusted me.

Have you and your husband come up with an joint answer when she asks about the will?