«Just be grateful that someone has offered you help .and say "Thank You "»

Often that's the right choice (it's usually mine), but a lot of offers of help are problematic, as you can see from other posts in the thread, and we have to acknowledge how that can wear a person down who's already dealing with a personal crisis:

- some people will try to force "help" on you that you don't want, even after you say 'no thanks' (most people in a wheelchair have experienced this)

- some people will offer help performatively to make themselves feel or look good, but won't come through (or don't stick around in the long run)

- some people will use offering help as an excuse to intrude aggressively into your and your family's life at a difficult time when you've asked for privacy, and turn hostile or passive-aggressive when you decline (no matter how politely)

The people who offer help sincerely, respect your answer, and stick around for the long term are pure gold. But a few months into a difficult illness like advanced cancer or a serious disability, you realise that most offers of help don't fit that category, even if they're (initially) well-intentioned.

Please don't read this as bitter. My personal experience has been mostly positive. We did get a lot of real, useful help for the first couple of weeks, and I'm thankful for that. I also didn't get a lot of "I know what's best for you" help forced on me when I was in a wheelchair and walker, maybe because I'm a hefty, middle-aged white man.