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So, to focus on the proactive side of our need for community as we age in place:
What can we do to nurture connections with people, especially if we are recovering from the loss of community during the Covid epidemic?
One thing I'll offer with deepest gratitude is that my dog Hazel has been my #1 connection advocate. We walk at least twice a day and we've made good human and dog friends along our routes. A very few are now among my best friends. Others are more acquaintances, some just give a friendly wave, but don't underestimate the value that a friendly wave can give.
The Method: go for regular walks with your dog and don't expect too much, but be glad for each wave and smile. Say hello and talk about the weather. No one needs more unhappiness. Try to share simple, happy moments with people you pass and eventually you may make deeper connections.
Here's Hazel, (click to see the whole picture); Hazel's always ready to meet new friends:
Replies to "So, to focus on the proactive side of our need for community as we age in..."
My wife and I live in the country, with 4 neighbors within a quarter of a mile. Two of them have been a big help to us this past 6 months, and are often telling us to call if we need anything. I would call, but my wife is overly independent and is offended if I do ask.
We had to change churches 10 years ago because of irreconcilable differences with the pastor, so we don't have a local church community. We drive to a town 30 miles away now, and it's frustrating not to be making connections outside of the church walls.
My therapist challenged me a few months ago to start connecting with former friends, online at the least, because of the basic need we humans have. I know that being isolated isn't mentally healthy, but it's a challenge. I don't walk because of CIDP, but everywhere I go, my service dog, Sadie, is with me, and she certainly does warm everyone up to make some sort of conversation. She brings smiles to a lot of faces.
I was a minister in a very small, remote rural community for the last ten years of my life work, and had planned to be there another ten years. But I was becoming more and more deeply depressed, to the point of attempting suicide, so I had to retire at 55. I left behind me 45 years of working closely with all kinds of people, and moved where it's all too easy to hibernate. Losing connection with people left a huge hole. So, I know that my therapist is right, but it doesn't make it any easier to find friends.
As a rule, pastors avoid making friends in their church, and that leads to a problem with loneliness for many. I have never had more than one or two men at any given time I would call friends. I was friendly to everyone, and people liked me, but it's a leap from acquaintanceship to friendship.
Sorry for the negativity. I acknowledge the need for relationships. It's a known sociological, mental health, spiritual reality. It's easier for some than for others. But it's worth some effort.
Jim
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Hi edsutton - I've found that being out in my front yard anytime from late afternoon to or through early evening is a great time to visit - with all the dog walkers. I can be trimming iris, or daffodills, or pulling weeds, and a friendly hello will usually cause a walker to stop, possibly for only a few minutes or perhaps for longer, and a friendly face has been encountered. I'm much enjoying the warmth of these spring evenings, and I similarly much enjoy chatting with new friends. (Then there are always to one or two who leave the sidewalk to walk down the center of the very quiet street avoiding all possibility of contact - mainly because their dog is on a 15 foot leash. I don't take it personally.)