I admire the person you have become. Your story is so sad, and for you to even be able to put it into words is nothing less than a miracle. You are such a strong person. Dare I say "inspiration." My childhood had some similarities with yours. I had a psychiatrist one time tell me that my life sounded to him like someone raised in some kind of evil, cultish commune. I had great difficulty finding things to do that gave me joy. I couldn't wrap my head around what happy felt like. Thankfully, I am further away from the person I used to be. I have a thousand and one interests. Some of my painful conditions are under control now. But what makes me the happiest is helping others who are hurt, discouraged, sad, or depressed. I was in such a dark place for so many years. I will never stop trying to listen when others need someone. We are not alone. And the Universe is full of love for each and every one of us. I am so proud to meet you on here. Thank you for sharing.