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I want to share briefly how Covid seriously damaged the social aspects of our lives and how we are beginning to build new connections.
Because of my wife's multiple illnesses we are especially cautious. We have taken all vaccines and boosters, continue to wear masks in stores and only eat out in restaurants that offer outdoor seating. We have avoided Covid. We monitor the local statistics, and continue to be concerned about respiratory illnesses.
As it turned out, there were some "anti-vaxxers" in our co-housing community and thus irreconcilable differences about use of the common building. We stopped having community meals and eventually there was a serious breakdown of the sense of community, which is still not healed.
It seems that once people begin to "take sides" the topics of disagreement expand and arguments become very ugly.
Something very similar happened in my faith community and I've left a religion which I followed regularly for 30 years.
And something very similar happened in the professional organization in which I played a leading role for 20 years. Fortunately it was time for me to retire.
I was a community and faith believer, and was so heartbroken that I had real concerns about what was happening to my health. Sometimes I felt a small number of sustaining community friendships kept me alive.
My wife's illnesses were already causing her to isolate, and the Covid-related conflicts brought her to a point of just wanting to move and run away from everything. Her health is much, much better now and she can imagine living again. And traveling to visit a newborn grand-baby!
This year some new families have moved into our community, and their fresh spirits have been very heartwarming. I've found a path to participation that I can follow.
Outdoors, the community woods and the barn, are areas where I have something to offer and two of the new families are very interested in those areas.
The community members with whom I was most uncomfortable aren't interested in those areas.
We can participate safely in woods and barn activities without wearing masks.
My wife loves the woods very much and the new activities are drawing her out of her "shell."
Our dogs have developed friendships with several of the new kids, a very beautiful thing to share.
So, that is a brief outline of four of the most emotionally painful years of my life.
I can feel that things are coming back to life, and how much I need them.
I suspect I'm not alone in this experience.
This community is also a place where I have been able to connect with people.
I am grateful, and hope I haven't over-shared.
Replies to "I want to share briefly how Covid seriously damaged the social aspects of our lives and..."
I haven't felt a sense of community in 30 years since I left my birth place. I was involved in community activities and my sons friends were always at our home. Since moving to another state I only met people at work. Those who lived in places where I lived weren't interested in meeting each other. They barely said hello, always looking downward and never opening their window coverings. I went from living in a house to the majority of the time living in apartments and condos. When I finally moved into a house, my neighbors on both sides never spoke, not even when I looked their way and tried to make eye contact. I lived there 5 years. I am 68 and when I grew up and raised my family, we knew our neighbors even on other streets. We did things in our community and we watched out for each other. I felt safe. I knew others were watching my children just as I watched out for theirs. I purchased a new home last year in NC. My next door neighbor came over and introduced himself and later we met his wife out in her yard. The neighbor across the street came over a few months ago and apologized for taking so long to come over to introduce himself. It is taking a while, but I have faith that it will get there.
To edsutton: Thank you so much for your sharing. It sounds like the change in the membership in your co-housing has made a significant difference. I'm so glad to hear you and your wife are now able to enjoy the woods and finding other activities where you can interact with individuals who share similar values. Wishing you wonderful, happy days in the woods, the barn, and the outdoors.
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Ed, this was a wonderful report - sadly many people have experienced the same "breakdowns" due to differing views. But you and your wife have gone the next step, which is to rebuild your community connections to suit you.
I know from years in a small winter community how fragile the connections can be, and how little it can take to break them, and how hard it can be to heal and/or rebuild.
Like you, I am the point of reevaluating one of my long-time volunteer roles - still trying to decide if it is time to retire, or to "wait out" yet another round of leadership changes because of my passion for the group and close connections to other members. On of my close friends keeps saying "We've been through this before - we're still here and they are gone" but the older I get the more I value peaceful interactions and try to avoid stressful ones...