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Feeling lonely and want to vent
Just Want to Talk | Last Active: Jul 29 11:08am | Replies (52)Comment receiving replies
I have written about this before, but now I think things are worsening. I have always been more of a loner. I was extremely shy and had an abusive mother. My therapist diagnosed me with extreme PTSD. Now I am a widow. I do not participate in anything. From experience I find that when I try to participate in any kind of a group I feel excluded. To me this is more hurtful than staying home. I go to the grocery store, the bank and the library. That's it. I cry a lot. I am now looking back at some of the events that have happened when I feel I did not act or say appropriate things because of the bad things that were wired into me by my mother. I did not know this at the time. I cannot do them over but I grieve about this and it causes me pain.
Replies to "I have written about this before, but now I think things are worsening. I have always..."
I can relate to abuse and ptsd. It’s a battle.
But give yourself grace. Give that child that you once were grace. You can not help or control what others do only yourself. If you screwed up, give yourself grace and learn from your mistakes, don’t keep punishing yourself. I have to tell myself these things all the time. But man, does my mind like to mess with me and make me feel unworthy and unloved. I just have to focus on making myself a better person; the kind of person I would like to be friends with. Part of that is loving myself more. Being louder when it comes to my health and more in charge. Not being afraid to see a different doctor because I pay for this insurance and my health is my TOP priority! If you can’t help me, I’m out, I’m not going to waist time anymore. Learned my lesson. Won’t let it happen again.
You deserve quality people in your life. Not everyone is the kind of quality you need. It might take a minute before you find where you fit/feel comfortable.
Have you ever heard of meetup.com? It’s a place where you can find other people who also share your same interests. I used to be a part of a few different groups. (Before I got sick again and moved).
I’ll eventually get back out there.
I hope this helped somewhat.
God Bless you
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This is really tough, I know.
I have too much time on my hands, and not enough energy because pain deprives me of sleep. My thoughts easily turn negative -- and stay that way.
If there's a foolproof method to break that I haven't found it, but sometimes what works is to decide to come to Mayo Connect and try to cheer someone else up. Nobody gets too many kind words.
That helps others, and it helps me.
But sometimes I'm just too tired, too sleep-deprived, and just too damned cranky for that. I just endure.
I really try to avoid re-hashing old mistakes. There are no do-overs, and even if there were, what would really be different? Yeah, I wish I'd had the nerve to ask out the pretty blond girl from Advanced Biology my senior year. Jan S., if you're out there, would you have said yes?
What if, if only. What if, if only. Talk about the highway to frustration!