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What to do when doctors disagree on next steps for an MCI patient
Caregivers: Dementia | Last Active: May 25 6:09am | Replies (11)Comment receiving replies
Hi @marketlink. I empathize, too. Deciding to step out of one's traditional role in the marriage and into more of a caregiver role is rough. You see the need to do it but want to be careful not to overstep. Add to that your husband's mood swings and his family doctor's upsetting advice, and it's a tough situation at the moment. It won't always be this way.
It's important to continue seeing your loved one as a person deserving of respect, admiration, and love. I thought my marriage was in trouble, too. We had a wonderful marriage for decades, so it was hard to accept that things were going off-kilter. My husband's personality changes were hard to accept. I remind myself to be thankful it's not worse. People whose loved ones have a Lewey Body diagnosis are the real sufferers.
Here's one thing that really helps. Dementia patients are emotional "mirrors". They reflect and amplify the emotions of the people they are around. They can pick up the slightest cues from us, their life partners, and send them back twice as hard. For example, if I'm getting a bit frustrated, my husband gets angry quickly even if I didn't realize I expressed my frustration in the least. But, it works the other way, too. If I smile lovingly, I get the best husband ever.
As I said at the start, it's hard to take the leap from partner to caregiver. It's especially hard in the beginning when the loved one is still so independent. Try to think of it as a care partner instead of a caregiver. That's what Teepa Snow calls it. As things progress you might find helpful ideas in Teepa Snows videos and books.
Know you're not alone. Reach out to that counselor and ask for direction. I'm glad you found this site. It's a life saver.
Replies to "Hi @marketlink. I empathize, too. Deciding to step out of one's traditional role in the marriage..."
Meitsjustme- Boy, this really speaks to me! You make such good sense! We are at the point where I’m not sure of my role…my husband is diagnosed with MCI, but I feel it has progressed a bit since the early stages. MCI must be a fairly big umbrella term, given what we’re experiencing and have experienced the past year or two. I have to follow up on some things that slip through the cracks, yet not sure how much to do without overstepping. My husband watched his sister decline and then die from Alzheimer’s so he is aware. I love your advice; have read things from you before. I have no advice or help to offer here…but please know I read most posts and am learning from all of you.
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Thank you so much for this insightful message. I love the information about emotional mirroring and can see how it’s true. I had a wonderful chat with my husbands Counsellor. She has set me up with her partner who also specializes in geriatric dementia. That way I can get support, share information and learn more about the disease and best coping skills. I’m learning that taking deep breath’s, daily baths and reaching deep for patience is helping. We are doing a house refresh right now. My hubby is handy and wants to do a lot of the projects himself, even though is causing a lot of stress, cursing and returns at the hardware store. I did have a big win and he agreed to hire a painter ( who is also a handyman if I need him). I’m taking it day by day and telling myself it can all be fixed if necessary. In saying that, some days are a lot harder than others.
I so appreciate this site. Hearing stories from others going through similar experiences make me realize I’m not losing my sanity and that so many symptoms are MCI. Thank you.