1. < Prostate Cancer

Life after prostate cancer

Posted by tuckerp @tuckerp, May 9 6:13pm

I am new on here. Age 72. I had RARP in Jan 2020. surgery/biopsy revealed 1 out 12 samples with cancer. Gleason 3+3. Margins were clean. I elected to remove it. I had a one week catheter removal and a one month checkup. I am very active also use heavy weight training. All PSA tests have been < .1. Pet scan in 2022 was negative. I am not continent and I am impotent. Testosterone level is 705. I turned to Mayo clinic for a followup in 2023. I have not seen my initial Dr. Mayo suggested an AUS. Also prescribed cialis. Since I removed the catheter I wear a condom catheter during the day. At night with 4 bathroom trips I can sleep without wearing anything. I am married but my wife has terminal cancer. (4 yrs). I have no opportunity for an erection. I do have a partial during the night. I have not tried the cialis . My question would be where do I go from here. Any suggestions. I did not ask for any help when I did the surgery and maybe that was not a good idea.

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stilllearningamr | @stilllearningamr | May 16 7:13am

For tuckerp and grandpun my prayers go out to you. That you still love your wife and yearn for her warms my heart. Reading that you are still 'interested' after your surgery and want to do something about it is very encouraging. I don't think it is ever too late to go back to the doctor and ask questions you didn't think to ask.
I joined this chat because I am dating someone who had prostate cancer surgery 2-1/2 years ago and hasn't had the opportunity for intimacy since then. He is only 62. He is becoming frustrated by what he can no longer accomplish compared with his much younger self (I didn't know him then) and I would like suggestions for making closeness pleasurable but not penis-focused. As a writer, I thought there would be more information out there in book form, or on the Internet, to answer questions and share experience. Unfortunately, the penis pump has to be the correct size and they are not returnable. If you get one that is too small your erection gets painfully caught in the device and it is unlikely that you would want to try again. Again, thank you.

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2 replies
tuckerp | @tuckerp | May 16 8:43am
In reply to @stilllearningamr "For tuckerp and grandpun my prayers go out to you. That you still love your wife..." + (show)
@stilllearningamr

For tuckerp and grandpun my prayers go out to you. That you still love your wife and yearn for her warms my heart. Reading that you are still 'interested' after your surgery and want to do something about it is very encouraging. I don't think it is ever too late to go back to the doctor and ask questions you didn't think to ask.
I joined this chat because I am dating someone who had prostate cancer surgery 2-1/2 years ago and hasn't had the opportunity for intimacy since then. He is only 62. He is becoming frustrated by what he can no longer accomplish compared with his much younger self (I didn't know him then) and I would like suggestions for making closeness pleasurable but not penis-focused. As a writer, I thought there would be more information out there in book form, or on the Internet, to answer questions and share experience. Unfortunately, the penis pump has to be the correct size and they are not returnable. If you get one that is too small your erection gets painfully caught in the device and it is unlikely that you would want to try again. Again, thank you.

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Thank you. Of course I will love my wife forever. We plan to spend our after life together. That said its been 4 1/2 yrs now since my surgery. No indication of the cancer. My wife has been sick and on hospice. But I think about life going forward. I have not had another sexual partner so the future is unclear to me. I am not much help to your question. Is this a heterosexual relationship? Thank you for the information on the pump. seems complicated.

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Moderator
Colleen Young, Connect Director | @colleenyoung | May 22 2:10pm
In reply to @stilllearningamr "For tuckerp and grandpun my prayers go out to you. That you still love your wife..." + (show)
@stilllearningamr

For tuckerp and grandpun my prayers go out to you. That you still love your wife and yearn for her warms my heart. Reading that you are still 'interested' after your surgery and want to do something about it is very encouraging. I don't think it is ever too late to go back to the doctor and ask questions you didn't think to ask.
I joined this chat because I am dating someone who had prostate cancer surgery 2-1/2 years ago and hasn't had the opportunity for intimacy since then. He is only 62. He is becoming frustrated by what he can no longer accomplish compared with his much younger self (I didn't know him then) and I would like suggestions for making closeness pleasurable but not penis-focused. As a writer, I thought there would be more information out there in book form, or on the Internet, to answer questions and share experience. Unfortunately, the penis pump has to be the correct size and they are not returnable. If you get one that is too small your erection gets painfully caught in the device and it is unlikely that you would want to try again. Again, thank you.

Jump to this post

@stilllearningamr, you may be interested in these related discussions:

- Sex after Prostatectomy - I'm the wife
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/sex-after-prostatectomy-im-the-wife/
- Erections post radical prostatectomy: What to expect?
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/erections-post-radical-prostatectomy/
Your question is a good one "how to make closeness pleasurable but not penis-focused?" Do you find that intimacy or any overatures that you make to initiate intimacy only serve to remind your partner of what he no longer can do like he once did? Are you able to talk openly about the desire for intimacy that doesn't need to include penetration?

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