@janagain Jan, How exciting to have a new grand baby on the way! I'm sure you can find a way to safely hold the baby. This brings to mind a picture my podiatrist showed me of his daughter who was around 3 when she wanted to hold her new baby brother. They had her lay on the floor on her back, and they put the baby on her tummy with her arms around him. It was a very cute picture. I hope that brings you a smile.

I see that very soon, you'll have a consult with a spine surgeon. I hope you get what you need and that there is an offer for help. You need to be able to trust a surgeon when you get on their table, so ask questions so you understand. Will you be having any other surgical opinions? Do you know what questions you want to ask? You may want to write those down now and take a paper with you because it's so easy to forget when you get nervous when the surgeon walks into the room. I remember that I felt shocked when I was told I needed spine surgery, not that I didn't expect it, I did, and I knew it was necessary, but suddenly it becomes real, and when there is a scheduled date, you start to think about what to do to be ready for that day.

Thank you so much for your kind words. If it helps to think about images that you like to help you get through the medical issues, go for it! One thing I learned when I had my first surgery ever (Carpal tunnel) was to create a "safe place" where I could go in my mind to relieve some of the stress and fear that accompanies the unknown of a medical procedure. I had a safe place that was real outside in nature, and it had a wooden carved sculpture of a whale and a big chair that was carved out of a large tree stump. It was a real place and I had pictures in a little spiral photo album to look at when I needed to escape, and I could imagine myself sitting in that tree-chair. When I went to Mayo for my spine surgery, the night before, I did something similar. I took one of my paintings with me to the hotel, and I just imagined myself inside the painting walking around. It was along a creek in Rocky Mountain National Park, and I also listened to music while I looked at my painting and did the deep breathing I trained myself to do. It was hard to sleep the night before surgery, but I did manage to relax enough, and I got tired enough that I did sleep until that early alarm to get ready.

I think you can use your music for the same purpose, and also choose images of things you love that are meaningful to you. You could have them on a cell phone or tablet in your hand to look at when you need them. Use the feelings of love to comfort you. So, you're not off track at all. You're reaching for what you need. I'm glad you did.

Jennifer