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Pancreatic Cancer Stage IV: I need support
Pancreatic Cancer | Last Active: Feb 2, 2017 | Replies (30)Comment receiving replies
I truly wish everyone well in this fight. I have a new pain it seams to b in the lower lobe of my right lung. I went to the er and its not a blood clot and its not a new tumor thank god. Going to visit my oncology doctor to see see if they have better solutions than the local er. I have a wonderful life and a suportive family i feel so bad for putting them through this i can tell they suffer. I would love to ease this entire process anyone out their with some words of wisdom cause i sure need them.
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Hello @ut3cordova. I am sorry to read about what you, and your family, are going through. While I have not had cancer, my wife had brain cancer for 14 years and I was her primary caregiver during those years. I was glad to read your decision to see your oncologist. To be honest, one of the things we learned early on was the fact even some of the best GP/ER/Internist doctors were 'over their head' when it came to all the complexities of cancer care, treatment, options, etc. but many are loath to admit this. We spent way too much time and energy trying to help my wife's GP understand what her cancer was doing to her.
Each person's cancer journey is unique, just as each caregiver's journey is also unique. Please understand what I say is from my heart, from my perspective, and from my wife's and my experiences during our unique journeys. You can take it with a grain of salt, ignore it, or take it to heart. It is certainly your call -- ask any questions, etc. I have very thick skin since I was a fundraiser for most of my work career 🙂
When it comes to the effects on a family of a family member's cancer journey, I believe it is natural for the adults to want to shelter those around us from the effects of the disease on the family. Our goal during my wife's journey was to not make her cancer fight our children's issue. (I will say they are grown, but that made it no easier on them). That said we did set down some 'rules' right away. Our daughter offered to defer beginning law school in order to be a caregiver for her mom. We said no. Our son offered to move back from a far away state, but again we said no. We told them they needed to have their own lives, to not feel guilty about that fact, that it was what both of us wanted, etc.
I did tell our children I would not ever lie to them about their mom's condition. If something changed, became problematic, etc. I would tell them right away, but that one a day-to-day basis they should use the mantra 'no news means status quo'. We were able to keep our goal until my wife's final 60 days or so.
It is great to hear you have a supportive family! Accept the support they offer with open arms. It is not always the norm -- and the journey you are on can be a very isolating one.
I wish you strength and peace!