I have something of the same situation…my daughter has abandoned me and her brother and stepdad, and even her only child who is now a successful adult. Her husband and her son from her first marriage did not get along and she always opted to defend the husband (“we must present a united front”). Her son does not want anything to do with either of them. And they blame me for that (gaslighting? Easier to blame me than take responsibility for the estrangement?) It can be very hard, I agree. Her stepdad and I are now divorced. I won’t say because of this situation, but it didn’t help at all. She and I were very close all through her childhood and young adulthood. I tried to be there for her no matter what she was going through. She’s had a successful career and is soon retiring early from a career that had been her passion. It’s difficult to understand.
My venting probably doesn’t help you. I wish I knew how.
It has been easier since I moved away. I can’t imagine how I would manage if I lived as close as you do.
I pray for her, for us, a lot.