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Tired of living

Posted by thisismarilynb @thisismarilynb, Apr 17, 2023

When I wake up each morning I am not grateful. For me life is not worth living. I had a miserable childhood and was traumatized by an abusive mother. I finally left home and went far away by myself to try and make a life. To a degree I was successful. I was fortunate to meet a wonderful man and we were married for 59 years before his death. Even so I have never been able to make friends or be comfortable in meeting people. I shrink from going into crowds. Now I am alone. I am 88 years old and am sick and tired of living. The only sure thing I know is that I will not do away with myself.

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thisismarilynb | @thisismarilynb | Apr 24 8:42pm
In reply to @samcal9977zz "Don't listen to anyone calling you negative. That is gaslighting, plain and simple. They criticize you,..." + (show)
@samcal9977zz

Don't listen to anyone calling you negative.

That is gaslighting, plain and simple.

They criticize you, so that makes you dwell on their comments, instead on the fact that they are cold, indifferent and abusive.

Just classic gaslighting.

Don't listen to a word of it.

Every single human on the planet, who goes through enormous medical problems becomes "negative." It's called reality.

Something they clearly do not want to deal with.

They are simply trying to run away from their conscience, from their responsibility to someone who is suffering.

Yeah, as far as "hanging in there" goes....sometimes if we just hunker down and survive the day in bed, watching TV, being a potato of the couch....that is enough. In that time, our mind and emotions get rest. That rests our nervous system. That clears our thoughts.

And it is rest like that, that finds solutions.

And sometimes the solution is to just take it one day at a time...sometimes one hour at a time.

I literally do that.

Sometimes I will schedule tasks for myself to do, each hour of the day, to just get through the day.

And by "tasks" sometimes I mean, do 5 crossword words this hour, do another 5 next hour...like that.

What we suffer...these kinds of problems? And with it, the unknowns? This is the hardest work that human beings get on the planet. There is nothing harder. And that makes us pure warriors...tougher than Olympic athletes....by far.

take care

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Thank you.

REPLY
marsims | @marsims | Apr 25 9:18am
In reply to @samcal9977zz "I am very very sorry for all you have suffered. My own history is not all..." + (show)
@samcal9977zz

I am very very sorry for all you have suffered. My own history is not all that different. And, over the years I have been suicidal as well. Mostly in 1983 and 1984, after being a violent crime victim.

Yes, therapists help.

But, you know, just be patient about everything. You have been profoundly wounded by life.

That may take some time to heal.

You are a strong person.

If not, you would have never posted at all.

That strength will serve you well and things will get better over time.

My mother did horrible, horrible things to me and to my brother. Criminal things.

But, we are both still here. My brother just got back from a wonderful birding trip in nature.

I am a faithful servant to my cat. I just do whatever she wants me to do. She makes me call her, "Your Majesty." It is not a relationship based on parity, but I don't mind serving my Queen.

Hang in there. Take care now.

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I am so sorry to hear you are feeling this way and to know you were abused by someone that you should have been able to trust. There are some things that we will never understand why in this fallen world, I agree with the other writer about developing a relationship with our creator, God! Not to focus on the religious laws and regulations but ask Jesus to help you. You are here for a reason and you matter. I am praying for a supernatural intervention in your life. You are in a community of loving friends. Please stay connected. ❤️😇

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2 replies
thisismarilynb | @thisismarilynb | Apr 25 9:30am
In reply to @marsims "I am so sorry to hear you are feeling this way and to know you were..." + (show)
@marsims

I am so sorry to hear you are feeling this way and to know you were abused by someone that you should have been able to trust. There are some things that we will never understand why in this fallen world, I agree with the other writer about developing a relationship with our creator, God! Not to focus on the religious laws and regulations but ask Jesus to help you. You are here for a reason and you matter. I am praying for a supernatural intervention in your life. You are in a community of loving friends. Please stay connected. ❤️😇

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I do not subscribe to your way of thinking.

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samcal9977zz | @samcal9977zz | Apr 25 11:39am
In reply to @marsims "I am so sorry to hear you are feeling this way and to know you were..." + (show)
@marsims

I am so sorry to hear you are feeling this way and to know you were abused by someone that you should have been able to trust. There are some things that we will never understand why in this fallen world, I agree with the other writer about developing a relationship with our creator, God! Not to focus on the religious laws and regulations but ask Jesus to help you. You are here for a reason and you matter. I am praying for a supernatural intervention in your life. You are in a community of loving friends. Please stay connected. ❤️😇

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Thank you so very very much. Yes my wife and I are very religious. We pray daily. My wife actually works for a major Catholic university.

May God Bless You and Your Family.

Do you like Pavarotti?

He did an Ave Maria back in 1978, that was just wonderful:

REPLY
marsims | @marsims | Apr 25 2:12pm

Thank you for your reply! You brought a huge blessing to me! I enjoyed listening to Pavarotti! Thank you for sharing. Just recovering from open heart surgery and I give all glory to God for allowing me to have such a great community of family and friends who prayed for me. I know it contributed to my healing. Prayers are so powerful. Continued blessings to you and your wife. ❤️God bless🙏🏾😇

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consultleonyx | @consultleonyx | Apr 26 2:47pm

Sister I want to say I love you and you are never alone, I understand what you are saying, I lost my husband and the father to my three sons he was only 48 and was 13 years older than I.
it was soul changing, the same year I lost my multi million dollar corporation was lied about in every newspaper globally and was gagged so I watched helplessly unable to defend myself publicly as my family suffered.
Before the years end I lost my health and the health of my three sons toxic mold exposure so I had to leave everything I owned to save us. Well I'm now 52 and my kids are grown and the state of the world is just to much to bear some days but the most high reminds me that I'm not alone Christ is here with me and all will be okay. I would like to tell you that if you did leave this world that everything would go dark and you wouldn't feel anything and you'd forever be in rest but that's not what happens you just jump to another dimension not even knowing that you left this one so when it's appointed we will rise to the Truth and take our place back where the father intended we kept not our first estate. So remember all emotions you're feeling here belong to that meat suit and it's not factual for who you really are you can gather strength in that, we are legion and the body of Christ is enormous. No words will communicate my empathy and love for you, find your place in this world because you are needed. Even if just remaining alive you resonate our energy and we need you. There is no other timeline more important than this one and all we have suffered brought is where we are right now. Find strength communicating with your family members that suffer as well but there is strength in numbers, be kind to yourself forgive all and yourself and keep breathing. You would have a great time posting videos on YouTube, thousands will watch and will provide a mission and we all need a mission cause or plan in order to live and love. Do not let this world steal a second of joy from you, walk in the spirit sister.

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samuelmyrick | @samuelmyrick | May 16 1:30pm

I'm 32 and tired of living. There's a lot of talk about comparison and looking on the bright side, but doesn't change the suffocating despair. I have been very open to suicide, but not there right now. I hear you.

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2 replies
thisismarilynb | @thisismarilynb | May 16 3:06pm
In reply to @samuelmyrick "I'm 32 and tired of living. There's a lot of talk about comparison and looking on..." + (show)
@samuelmyrick

I'm 32 and tired of living. There's a lot of talk about comparison and looking on the bright side, but doesn't change the suffocating despair. I have been very open to suicide, but not there right now. I hear you.

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Think very carefully about the act of committing suicide. It is final. You may believe you do not want to live anymore, but if you poke around in there, is it really true. We all go through bad patches - some worse than others. But in the end waking up in the morning triumphs everything. You do not mention seeking help. Just know that it is available and it works. I know that of my own experience. Bottom line - suicide is not the answer.

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samcal9977zz | @samcal9977zz | May 19 4:01pm
In reply to @marsims "Thank you for your reply! You brought a huge blessing to me! I enjoyed listening to..." + (show)
@marsims

Thank you for your reply! You brought a huge blessing to me! I enjoyed listening to Pavarotti! Thank you for sharing. Just recovering from open heart surgery and I give all glory to God for allowing me to have such a great community of family and friends who prayed for me. I know it contributed to my healing. Prayers are so powerful. Continued blessings to you and your wife. ❤️God bless🙏🏾😇

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My wife had open heart surgery in June 2019.

Arterial valve stenosis.

Thanks for the lovely reply.

Take care.

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Moderator
Colleen Young, Connect Director | @colleenyoung | May 22 5:57pm
In reply to @samuelmyrick "I'm 32 and tired of living. There's a lot of talk about comparison and looking on..." + (show)
@samuelmyrick

I'm 32 and tired of living. There's a lot of talk about comparison and looking on the bright side, but doesn't change the suffocating despair. I have been very open to suicide, but not there right now. I hear you.

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@samuelmyrick, I'm glad you're not there right now and that you have the compassion to reach out to others who feel the suffocating despair. May I ask how you work against the feeling of being tired of living?

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