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DiscussionIntimacy and sexual life living with colorectal cancer
Colorectal Cancer | Last Active: 4 days ago | Replies (25)Comment receiving replies
Replies to "I was just diagnosed with rectal cancer on the dentate line. I still have to get..."
I'm so sorry that you are dealing with a second cancer, @trishalynn ! I hope this new cancer was found early.
How much it will affect your sexual life depends a lot on the treatment you will receive, because this will affect which nerves and how much they will be affected. Don't be coy with your doctors (oncologist, surgeon, whomever you're seeing for this cancer) and do ask right out how and how much it could/will affect your intimacy and sexual life.
Sexuality is not just sex. Sexuality has a biological dimension, a psychological one and a social one. The four holons of sexuality are gender, interpersonal affective bonding, eroticism adn reproductivity.
Now, it is important to keep in mind that intimacy with our partner is not just the physical sexual interaction. The first dimension of intimacy is the emotional one, our feelings for one another and how we express it in words and gestures. The second one is experimental, like the rituals we have as a couple, such as choosing and watching a movie together on Friday night, for example, or making a capucchino for your partner after lunch. The third one is intellectual: sharing some intellectual interest, like learning something new together. It could be taking a dance class together or attending conferences on the universe together, for example. The fourth one is spiritual: the moral values we share. And the last dimension is the physical one, the sexual physical intimacy, which does not have to include penetration if it is uncomfortable. There are also good sexologist out there who can help with this.
The workshop I'm attending grounds itself in mindfulness as a path to work on our intimacy and on our feeling whole as women affected by cancer. At our second session, we did an exercise where we had to experience what a raisin is through each of our five senses: we had to observe it, then touch it, then bring it close to our ear and listen to the noise it makes if we press on it, then smell it, and finally put it in our mouth, first only tasting it on our tongue, then chewing and swallowing it slowly.
The idea is to focus on the pleasant sensations, to observe our judgements, to explore without trying to change anything, but rather simply noting the sensations, thoughts and behaviors. The aim is to EXPERIENCE, to open ourselves to the SENSATIONS, to allow us to FEEL. This helps us to get to know ourselves, to know when and how to apply this.
In short, what this workshop does is to apply mindfulness to our sexuality and intimacy.