Hi Marilyn, I enjoyed reading your response. Re your feelings about your wonderfully long marriage and how it “never was”, I think that somehow, after the years pass, it’s almost like looking back on another person’s life if you get my drift...I’ve experienced those sort of feelings. Sometimes when I look back on some of my life experiences I almost feel…did that really happen? It’s inexplicable to me. I’m glad you found the courage to tell your mother you wanted nothing to do with her. I think it’s a power thing with the type of women our mothers were. As I said, I stopped seeing my mother after my father died but like your mother she never gave up trying every year or two. It was unfathomable really as she never liked me so why keep trying? She actually told me once I didn’t mean as much to her as her sons. The first time she told me to get out of the house and never come back I was eleven years old. She was good at putting the knife in and then twisting it for good measure (figuratively speaking). You may think that possibly I was an ill-behaved child but I was as good as gold, quiet and polite and tried so hard to please her by helping round the house and when I started work I would buy her flowers and other gifts but nothing worked. Luckily I gave up when I was relatively young as I had a friend (who died at 54) who became her mother’s carer and her mother treated her terribly but she had nothing bad to say about the daughter who rarely bothered to visit her. I’m glad you have a good relationship with your elder son and I think I would take the same action as you with regard to your younger son. He doesn’t deserve to benefit from your death if he doesn’t care for you when you’re alive. It’s wonderful that you are still in good health…things would be so much worse if you were not.

Re your suggestion of counselling, I hope you won’t take offence but I don’t have much faith in counselling…it’s not really a big thing in the UK like it is in the US but it is available. I’ve known instances when counselling has done more harm than good.

We have been to the US many times, in fact we’re going in September. I’ve been to New York, Chicago, La Jolla, Santa Monica, Seattle, Las Vegas, Key Largo, Orlando, Los Angeles. I would like to be a penpal (that sounds very old fashioned now doesn’t it as most people send a Facebook invite) but if you would like to my email. I won’t be at all offended if you prefer not. I have enjoyed our interaction and feel better for it as I was a little down today.

PS. Have you thought about getting a pet? My husband doesn’t like dogs but if anything happened to him I think I would definitely get a dog as a little companion.