Helo @ddn,

I am so sorry to learn of the loss of your son. There is an organization called, Compassionate Friends. The goal of this organization is to support families who have lost children. Here is a link to the website.
https://www.compassionatefriends.org/
You can find information about support groups including online groups. It is important to talk about your son, with others who have also lost a child.

I applaud your courage to reach out on this forum and to discuss this. I hope that others who have lost children will join you in this discussion. Also, use this forum to talk about your son. Share your memories. There is no way to recover from your loss but there is a way through it and sharing and talking about it is a good way.

In the meantime, will you reach out to Compassionate Friends?